Ode to 303

Dear Colorado,

I love you because...

xoxo,

V

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*all photos personal unless otherwise noted

[A little more than] Two Cents

My sweet love-

If I could push a button and erase the doubt in your mind, 

about family and relationships and faith, 

I would. 

If I could cut a deal to take your pain as my own, 

I wouldn't hesitate.  

I wish I had a looking glass,

or a genie with a magic wish.

I'd take you with me far away,

into the future that could be,

and will be if you let it.

I see friendship, 

family,

laughter,

love.

This world holds so much good for you,

my dearest friend.

Great success will come to you,

happiness is yours for the taking!

...if you could only get out of your own way.

Don't deny the ones who love you,

just because holding a piece of your heart

puts you at risk to have it broken.

People will always let you down,

place your trust in the One who made you.

He knows you best of all and loves you

exactly where you are.

I've loved you so long

but He's loved you longer.

Forgive me for thinking I knew better.

My intentions were pure but my execution-

poor.

If I could ask one thing of you,

please stay awhile.

Ride it out, 

don't lose hope.

Come what may.

Let's take this journey,

this chance,

this adventure.

Sink or swim.

I love you more than I can reason.

Will you ever know?

Moving Day Drama: Ode to the Painter Guy

Dear Kelly,

You, Sir, are amazing.

Thank you for cleaning and painting my apartment (again) so Penny and I have a pretty (& clean!) place to live. We love you and hope you uncover the truth as to whichever person or persons mysteriously broke in and baked pizzas, exploded soda cans, and left boxer shorts out in the back yard. Their mischief was your misfortune and for that I am sorry. Your smiling face was the only thing that brightened this otherwise annoying and stressful discovery.

Thanks a million,

Vanessa and Penny

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Songs:

"Kind and Generous" Natalie Merchant

Better.

Dear Airman,

I read your words with tears in my eyes.

3 days.

I don't know how to feel; am I supposed to be happy? I am proud of you for starting your journey, but I keep waiting for that exhale of relief to let me know it's over for me. No longer will our paths cross. You have yours, and I, mine.

I should be glad. You have someone else, and so do I, and he's better than you. We're better off, you and I. In our hearts we always knew it would turn out this way, didn't we? You didn't think you ever could...and I knew you would, just not with me. You thought you were irrevocably broken, and I knew you weren't. Some hearts aren't fixable, but yours was, once the ice melted. I like being right but this time, the satisfaction is missing. I don't like it. Not at all.

Sometimes, I think I wasted the best of me on you. Sometimes, I don't. Sometimes, I think the best is ahead of me; that I will be rewarded for my patience, for my pain. Sometimes, I think it was all meaningless, unnecessary drama that played itself out for far too long. Some nights, I think I will love you until the day I die, some days, I think I never did.

I should want you far away, shouldn't I? Unable to reach me and send me crashing down again. You always knew how to stop my world from turning, and make me lose my footing and forget myself. But then again, you also knew how to kiss me, and stop my heart for a moment, keep my feet from touching ground and forget to breathe. Crash, Burn, Kiss, Cry, Repeat.

So am I glad? Proud? Sad? Bitter? No. I don't know how I feel, and yet the tears come. I've cried oceans over you.

My head screams. Love me! Accept me! Want me! Please don't leave yet, I don't know how I feel. I'm desperate, in need of something... Retribution? Revenge? Forgiveness?

Forgiveness. I've failed. Took on your troubles when I should have pointed you to God. Made myself your savior, and you, I made you my idol. Cast my heart into your hands, whether you liked it or not. Time made fools of us all.

Do you remember the time...

There was a pink light casting rosy shadows across your face.

One in your ear one in mine, and we listened.

-You and I will meet again-

All I remember are kisses and tears, and an inside joke I'll never forget.

(Don't...)

Being happy hurts, sometimes. Like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Will he turn into you; is it just a matter of time? If I let him lift me up so high, does that just mean I have farther to fall? It keeps me up at night.

I know there was truth in us, I know my motives were pure. In my heart, I know I always did everything I could do, and too much at that. But if the end result is this; this ache in my chest, this empty burn...I don't want it anymore.

If life makes strangers turned lovers into best friends and then to strangers again, then we're all better off alone.

There is something wrong with me, I think. I guess I can't let go- of love, of hurt, of shame, of fear. I carry it all, and the weight is getting too heavy.

But this man, he holds my heart in his strong hands. He has given back my smile. He wipes black tears from my eyes and kisses my forehead. He says I'm stronger, better, for it all. He carries me, and the more I lean, the more I learn, I can stand on my own.

So, go now, love. Make your mark on this world. Keep your fire, your determination to prove them all wrong, to make your father proud. You are your brothers' hero, make sure your actions follow accordingly. Prayer will keep you grounded, so pray. Be thankful for the friendships you've had, although some will fall away. The ones who matter will still be there. Kiss your girl, but not too hard, for it's the tender ones you'll remember when you need them most. Let her give you strength, and don't hold back for fear that she may fail. You deserve the world, so take it. Be prepared. Amazing things are headed your way.

If I could ask one thing of you, think of me fondly, if you think of me at all. Remember how I loved you, and know that I always will. We were broken, you and I, but now at last it seems, we're better.

Always,

V

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Songs:

"The Call" Regina Spektor

"Into the West" Annie Lennox

Confessions of a Talk-aholic

I'm starting a new segment on my blog.

In an effort to be ever mindful of those around me, and how they bless my life, I want to write letters to the people I love, and I'd love to read yours, too! I think it's important that we don't take things for granted, and for me, writing it out is a good way for me to do just that. So, send me your love letters! They could be to your significant other, pet, mom, or your favorite brand of cereal (no judgement). Let's show some love, people!

Joshua Michael,

You amaze me.

I'm learning more about you each day and I wake up every morning excited for what the day will bring for us. I love growing in knowledge of each other and in our faith together. Something I've known for a long time, but am only truly learning recently is that you are a man of few words for a reason. Your "yes" is yes, your "no" is no. You tell me what is on your mind by the way you live your life, your character speaks for you, in actions, not words.

I'm afraid, my dear, I talk too much. I think sometimes I hide behind my words, analyzing a situation from every conceivable angle. I plan and plot and debate all of the possible actions I could take and the outcomes which would result from each option, instead of making a decision introspectively and moving forward.

You walk the walk, and sometimes, Babe, I just talk a lot.

I am so thankful for your patience, you allow me my verbal indulgences. You sit quietly and let me to it, even if sometimes I can tell you're only waiting for me to pause for a breath. You never interrupt me, no matter the level of crazy at which I'm rambling. And when you respond, it is well thought out, and wise. You really have a way of putting me in my place, Love. At times it's frustrating, even when I know you're right, but most of the time, I am incredibly and wonderfully humbled. With one calm observation, you can unravel countless minutes of my carefully crafted theories of disaster. With a knowing smile, my panic is dissolved and I catch myself smiling along, caught in the realization of my delusion.

Thank you for being the yin to my yang, the calm to my storm, and the best friend I have ever had.

I love you,

Vanessa

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Songs:

"Maybe I'm Amazed" Paul McCartney