a prayer.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go"
-Joshua 1:9 NIV

I am burdened.
Weak.
Lost.
I am incomplete.

I can't see past this,
my vision is clouded.
the fire that once burned
is fading fast.

I am broken,
beyond repair.
I am sinking,
drowning.

I wander,
searching.
My heart is heavy,
darkness closes in.

I am fearful,
faithless.
Hopeless.

In my darkest moment,
You have found me.
My shame can not hide me.
My sin can not hold me.

My head hangs down.
Lift my chin that I might gaze
upon Your glory.
Let me hear Your voice,
speak to me of Your love.
Soothe this weary soul.

My heart aches, my breath is labored.
Wrap your arms around me, that
I may find rest.
Hold me.

Heal these wounds I have inflicted;
the pain that I have allowed to overcome me,
the darkness I have empowered,
this sickness which plagues me.

You have opened my eyes,
I am healed.
better.

You have pieced together
my broken heart,
given it back to me.

Your love has wiped the tears from my face,
Cleansed them with Your healing rain.
Washed me clean.

I am strong,
for You have given me
strength, courage.
I am loved.
Forgiven.

-V.K.O

-----------------------

Songs:

"I will praise You in this storm" Casting Crowns

"a prayer" Elisa

down to my last dollar

Things have been a little heavy lately, and I think it's important to do a fun exercise every so often, to lighten up!

List 10 things you would buy with your last $20.

via http://www.creativewritingprompts.com/

1. orbit bubblemint chewing gum (necessity)

2. gasoline for Tauri

3. a can of diet coke (necessity)

4. burt's bees chapstick

5. a cheap novel

6. ramen noodles (so I don't starve when I'm penniless)

7. a spiral notebook

8. pack of black ballpoint pens

9. glass of vodka & water with lemon (why not?)

10. a lottery ticket

---------------------------------

(The pink one with the tiara is my piggy bank. Adorable, isn't she?)

control.

the clock on the wall
winks.
love hesitates.
a knot of anger
builds.
an inch of restraint-
words unspoken.
time running out.
i have been careless
with my
heart.

-V.K.O.

----------------------------

Song:

"Stockholm's Syndrome" Muse

Adios. Auf Wiedersehen. Namaste. Sayonara. Arrivederci. Au Revoir. Goodbye.

Today I start living for me.

Took me awhile but now I'm seeing clearly
I believed my world would end the
Moment we were over
And I believed in you.

I thought that we were something good
So I held on tighter when
I should've walked away.
I liked the sound of your voice telling me
you needed me
I thought I needed you.

I was always just playing the fool
My heart is now a casualty in a game I'm over playing.
I was just following after you
Now I'm making the rules
No longer your fool.

This broken soul will heal without a doubt,
but I was so wrapped up in you
I barely found my
Way out.
I loved the way my head felt safe upon your shoulder
Thought I really loved you.

I held my breath and closed my eyes but
Love didn't come and neither did I.
Your touch was warm your
Heart was frozen, fears keeping it
unopened.

It’s our end but my beginning

It’s about time that I start living...


--------------------------------------
Author's Note: I wrote this awhile ago. It's extremely raw and very amatuer-ish, but appropriate to my current situation. I'm absolutely exhausted. I'm beyond exhausted, actually. I have come to the conclusion that people will only treat you poorly so long as you let them. It's not that I have had people in my life who have walked all over me, it's more like; I throw myself beneath their feet and say, "Could you just stomp all over me? That'd be great". I'm not playing the victim card, I'm not playing the "he-done-me-wrong" card, I'm just done playing all together. No more games.

That's all =)

-V.K.O.

Song:

"Gravity" Sarah Barielles

mantra

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes


(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)


how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?


(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)



-e.e. cummings