He is risen indeed!

He was pierced for our transgressions

He was crushed for our iniquities

The punishment that brought us peace was upon Him

& by His wounds we are healed.

-Isaiah 53:5

Happy Easter Sunday, everyone!

...Or as my co-worker interestingly put it, "Zombie Jesus Day". I have to admit, I chuckled, but let me just say, I am exceedingly grateful that I worship a risen Lord, not an egg delivering rabbit, and certainly not a zombie. His mercies never end and never fail to amaze me. I have been so blessed in my life, and I am working on being more mindful of the grace that is shown to me daily.

In other news, or I should say; In Vanessa always talks about her relationship news...Josh is meeting my (extended) family today! Maybe that's why I'm still awake...I'm so excited =-) Joshua is with his church on a camping trip, that's how they celebrate Easter, and when he gets back we will be headed to my Grandma's for prime rib (or chicken, for me). I'm not nervous at all, because I know my family will adore him. I adore him. I've been missing him for the past couple days while he's been away, and I just can't wait to see him, smooch him, and show him off!

All I need in my Easter basket this year is a hug from Joshua, time with my family, and good food at Grandma's. Okay, and maybe a couple Reese's peanut butter eggs. Just sayin'.

-V

my heart is spoken for.

(A reminder)

I have been such a fool. I have worried, stressed, cried, and broken down more in the last few years than I have in my entire 22 years of existence put together. Why? Because of a relationship, which I allowed to consume me. I have always been extremely compassionate and am no stranger to love; I love my friends with everything I have. But this was different. This man walked through my door, introduced himself, and I was smitten by a pair deep brown eyes. Plus, he was tall, dark, and handsome and smelled nice, but I digress.

Relationships have a funny way of changing the way you view absolutely everything, don't they? Over the past few years I have fluctuated between feeling more confident and happy than ever before, and hitting the lowest of my lows with astounding speed. I am not saying this is healthy by any means, but that's just the way it's been. So this time, I'm fairly certain that the cycle of insanity is over once and for all. What I'm not sure certain about, is why exactly I have been so distressed over the whole thing. I think I lost myself in the we're-in-love-and-we-like-to-kiss-a-lot-and-stuff thing, and threw out some very valuable pieces of information.

First, not everything is going to make sense. One of my biggest issues over the past year has been confusion. The "whys". Why does he mean so much to me? There is a lot of humanity on this earth, and I chose him. Why doesn't he tell me how he feels until it's too late? Why didn't it work? Why do we always find our way back to one another? Why can't we just be friends? Why is it that when I am completely content with things, some mystical force come in and messes with everything? Why, why, why, it's enough already. I am never going to be able to comprehend all the reasons for why things happened the way they did, all that matters is that they did.

More importantly, this heart was never mine to give. My faith used to sustain me. As of late, it has mostly served as a mechanism of guilt, a slap on the wrist of my past. Plenty of time has passed, and I am still terrified of moving on. Afraid of giving my heart to the wrong person, petrified of having it broken again. I have been putting my heart in the hands of a man, and then am somehow surprised when he lets me down? How many Sunday School bible verses could I quote about that? I should have known better, and I do know better. My faith needs to be in my God first, my heart should be in His hands. He will never break my heart, He will never fail me. I will fail, and I will stumble and fall, but it's okay because, He's got me.

This is not a declaration of how horrible my ex is. He's flawed; human. He's also wonderfully gifted and at times, has made me happier than I thought possible. This is not a declaration of defeat; I am not giving up on finding my somebody in this life. What I am giving up, is the worry. I'm taking my burdens and sending them up to someone stronger and more capable than I. And as I draw closer to my God, I know I will be healed. The hurt I have carried for so long, the blame I have accepted, the failures looming over my head, will all be washed away. I am so blessed. I don't have to worry about finding a "soul mate", I don't have to worry at all. I can rest assured that my heart has found its home. Sometimes, I need to remember just how much I am loved.

-V.O'Neel
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Songs:
"Spoken For" MercyMe
"Fix You" Coldplay
"Hold Me Now" Kirk Franklin