Friday, October 30, 2009

22 candles

I'll be thinking of you today,
my dearest of friends.

Circumstance divides us,
putting more distance between us
than miles ever could;
keeping me from my heart.

If I could call you up today,
I'd say I'm sorry.
Sorry for everything,
but I regret not.
And I love you always.

If I could hear your voice,
I'd tell you just how proud I am.
How my heart is filled with hope for the future,
both yours and mine,
though our fates may never intertwine again.

Through the years, I've been certain of one thing;
You are bound for greatness.
I hope that one day I will see you,
sip coffee with you,
listen to your stories,
laugh with you,
and know your friendship once more.

Until then, I'll remember the
warmth of your smile,
the sparkle in your eye,
the taste of your kiss,
and the strength of your heart.

Happy Birthday.

"Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" John Mayer
"Birthday Song" Abra Moore

& "Closer" by Joshua Radin (because I'm obsessed with this song)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

This I Believe

For my Composition class, I was asked to read articles from the National Public Radio's recurring segment, This I Believe. 'This I Believe' is based on a 1950's radio program which gave celebrities and average joes alike, the opportunity to share their opinions and life experiences. I poured over essays written by Helen Keller, Eleanor Roosevelt, Harry Truman, and many others. Then, I came across a sentiment which struck a chord with me;

"I believe in the human race. I believe in the warm heart. I believe in man’s integrity. I believe in the goodness of a free society. And I believe that the society can remain good only as long as we are willing to fight for it—and to fight against whatever imperfections may exist."
-Jackie Robinson
from his essay,

These powerful words got me thinking; What do I believe? I believe in God, yes, but not everyone can relate to faith in a Christian God. Everyone has their own interpretation of what 'faith' means to them. Certainly though, there is a belief or idea that is universal, something we can all share, regardless of denomination, race or gender. I mulled the idea over in my head and, as I usually do to pass the time, I opened my playlist and pressed shuffle. Then it hit me. I'd like to say I had an epiphany, but it was more of a 'duh' than an 'Aha' moment.

I believe in Music.

I believe in the power of music to heal. I have witnessed firsthand the ability of an instrument or song to give meaning to a feeling or situation, when spoken word can not. When I was going to college in Texas, I worked with a six year old boy, Malik, who was autistic. It was a daily struggle to get him to make eye contact, speak, or connect with me, and also with his fellow classmates. Malik would throw tantrums and scream for hours on end, simply because he was trying desperately to communicate to me what he needed or wanted or felt, but his efforts were lost in translation. When his frustration would give way to physical fits of throwing things and hitting me, I would have to restrain him to keep him from hurting himself or others.

On one particular day, his tantrum had lasted well over the hour mark and I was becoming exhausted, I was almost in tears and had nearly run out of ideas of how to calm him. To this day, I don't know where the idea came from but I started humming 'Amazing Grace'. He immediately quieted. It was then I realized the power of music to bring people together. Although I couldn't understand what he was trying to tell me, and he couldn't understand that I was just trying to calm him, we both understood music. We both knew the comfort of the familiar tune, and each of us had positive memories tied to it.

I believe that the people of this earth are more alike than we are different. Listen, I'm not saying that music is the healing force that will end the wars and bring about peace on earth. I'm not saying that all differences are resolvable and if we just hold hands and sway, singing together in four-part harmonies, there would be no conflict. I simply believe that if we all focus on the simple things in life that bind us together, the shared experiences, it would be a lot easier to relate to one another. Instead of focusing on the differences which may frighten or concern us, I believe we should fix our gaze on the similarities all tenants of our planet share.

"Over the Rainbow" Iz Kamakawiwo'ole
"I Believe" Blessid Union of Souls

photo credit:

Friday, October 16, 2009

Why do they call them "pet" peeves?

What makes you want to scream? via The One Minute Writer

In Alphabetical Order:
  1. Apples with brown spots or tiny holes in them. I'm always waiting for a worm to pop out. It'll happen one of these days. Really freaks me out.
  2. Ashlee Simpson's music career. [the fact that she has one]
  3. Bills. Especially the statements from the lovely people at my bank, just letting me know how much I'm going to owe them if and when I graduate.
  4. Feet. Other people's, other people touching mine. Ugh. Makes #8 rather interesting, huh?
  5. Getting text messages from my Boss.
  6. Not being able to find my car keys, a regular occurrence.
  7. People who are oblivious to their own body odor. Rule of thumb; bathe!
  8. Stubbing my toe immediately following a pedicure.
  9. Time Warner Cable.
  10. Waking up 5 minutes before my alarm goes off, going back to sleep, then oversleeping.

-V. O'Neel

Song: "Scream" Michael Jackson ft. Janet Jackson


Let's go to church for a second, k?

Today, I was having brunch with a dear friend from high school, who now lives in Florida with her husband. We began to discuss what we've been doing over the past four years, how we can't believe that many of our friends have graduated and moved onto 'big kid' jobs in the real world, while we are both struggling to get our Bachelor's before we start going gray. We traded lists of friends who've had children, friends who've moved away, just the typical girl stuff. She asked me about my three years in Texas, and who I had dated while I lived there. Oh my. I gave her the extremely condensed version, and we moved on to stories of her wedding and the clash between her new Hubby and her Mother.

And then we began to talk about faith.

She shared with me how she had recently "found [her] faith" in Florida. I shared with her how I nearly lost mine in Texas. We both agreed upon one thing. It is such a blessing to have a God like ours. Now, I have some issues in my past, but it's nothing too terrible. Overall, I have been very blessed and I would be a better person to remember these blessings more often. There was a time in my life that I was severely depressed and constantly considered giving up. I sometimes would find myself thinking about death, not in a suicidal way, but in a very apathetic manner. I didn't want to die, I just didn't necessarily care if I did. I sometimes thought it would be fine with me if I was involved in some sort of tragic accident, because I truly did not see another way of finding relief from the darkness haunting me.

I sat across the table from my friend, sipping ice water and orange juice, and recalling the many opportunities the Holy Spirit had given me that I pushed away, or rather, ran away from. Whether it was a convicting song on the radio which I immediately switched off, or my father asking me, pleading with me through tears, to tell him what was wrong; I denied it. I was given chance after chance to bring my troubles to God and accept the healing which only He can offer, and I responded by closing my eyes and heart, and retreating into myself. It was then I realized something, a lesson I'm certain I have already learned.

I have been so wrong. Who am I to think that I can handle troubles on my own? Thinking I need only forgive myself for the mistakes in my past, and absolve myself by doing good deeds to make up for my actions? One of my favorite hymns reminds us;

"O, what peace we often forfeit,

O, what a needless pain we bear,

All because we do not carry,

Everything to God in prayer."

I was humbled. How many times have I stood in church and heard the message, listening to my Pastor ask anyone with a burdened heart to come forward and receive prayer? How many times did I ignore the call of my heart, deciding that I was going to do this on my own. I have taken on such worry and stress over my best friend, sister, and certainly over my ex, fretting over their bad decisions and trying to 'fix' them. I have had myself so convinced that they need me; that it is my job to prove to this man that I will always be there for him and never fail him, that it is my place to prevent my sister and best friend from repeating my missteps and to keep them from harm.

How arrogant of me to think that I have the power to bring about change or salvation in the heart of a man? Who do I think I am, the savior of my friends and family? It is my duty to lift up the ones I love in prayer, and to be a witness to them- not a savior. How many burdens have I carried around on my shoulders, weighing me down, poisoning me, when I could give them up to my God. My God is stronger than the demons of my past. My God is stronger than the pain of my broken heart.

My God is stronger.

-V. O'Neel
"Remember When it Rained" Josh Groban

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Blog Action Day '09- Climate Control

Climate Change. Global Warming. The Greenhouse Effect. What's the big deal?

Webster's Dictionary defines Global Warming as an increase in the earth's atmospheric and oceanic temperatures widely predicted to occur due to an increase in the greenhouse effect resulting especially from pollution. This definition is circa 1969, so why is it only making headlines in recent years? Obviously Climate Change is not a new concept, scientists have been warning us about it for years. The reason it is becoming such a hot topic lately is not because "going green" is trendy, but because the rate at which we are putting harmful gasses into the air is growing at an alarming rate.

In honor of Blog Action Day 2009, I calculated my carbon footprint via The Nature Conservancy's website. According to The Nature Conservancy, the average person in the United States emits 27 tons of CO2 eq/year taking into account Home Energy, Driving and Flying, Food and Diet, and Recycling and Waste. So, when I found out my estimated emissions was 'only' 13 tons of CO2 eq/year, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I unplug my appliances when they're not being used, don't eat red meat, and have relocated so that I'm not driving as many miles to work each day. Yep, I'm 'only' emitting 13 tons of ozone-depleting gas into the atmosphere every year. No big deal.

I was feeling pretty good, that is until I scrolled a little further down the page. The world average per person is 5.5 tons of CO2 eq/year. I am more than double that amount, and I hate to break it to you, average resident of the good ole U.S. of A, but you're nearly five times that amount! This is kind of a big deal, folks. Simply put, if this earth was our landlord, we would be the suckiest tenants ever. Can you say, eviction?

Clearly something needs to change, and instead of just talking about it, I am going to make the change start with me. On this Blog Action Day, October 15, 2009, I am making a pledge. Nothing drastic, just everyday things that I can commit to.

I pledge to:
  • Always recycle my soda cans, even if the recycling bin is full and the trash can is so much closer....
  • Start using a reusable water bottle instead of buying packages of them each month.
  • Do all of my laundry in cold water and use the dryer sparingly.
  • Not let the water run while I brush my teeth. I'm really bad about this one, guys.
  • Buy a bike for Eco-friendly warm-weather transportation.
  • Replace my light bulbs with the neat twisty ones. [very technical terms, I know.]
  • Unplug my phone charger when I'm not using it. Did you know that still uses electricity?
  • Get rid of my old clunker as soon as fiscally possible.
  • Shop Organic. I buy mostly organic food, but I definitley have some beauty products that could be traded in.
  • Donate my time to an organization, plant a tree, pick up trash, something!

What will YOU do?

-V. O'Neel


"Global Warming" Vermillion Lies

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Confession: Just say it.

Oscar Wilde said, "It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution." So, I'm going to admit something stupid today, that I might be absolved. I probably shouldn't post this on the worldwide web for everyone and their Grandmother's Uncle's Step-Niece's Great Aunt to see....but what the heck.

I am not over my ex.

Not fully anyways, but I'm getting there. The reason I say I'm admitting something stupid is that we broke up a long freakin' time ago. It was one of those break-ups that didn't take though, you know the kind? Where you don't talk any less...or any differently. So for well over a year now, I have been stuck in a really lame cycle of co-dependent, tear-filled conversations, fights, and reconciliations.

Not that it's even really his fault, totally. I mean, throughout this whole thing [the better part of 3 years] I've been a broken record, the epitome of dysfunction, parroting over and over, "I'll be here no matter what". Yuck. Ladies, don't EVER say that. If you do, you might as well say, "Do whatever you want, Babe, lie, cheat, lie, yell, lie, lie, lie...and I'll still be here when you get bored." Ugh. And unfortunately, I am the kind of person who sticks. I stick to my word. I stick to the people I love. I like it when things make sense, and I like it when there's a plan I can stick to. So, needless to say, when I told this man I would be there no matter what, well, I've been there no matter what.

Let the record show that the crazy lady has stopped her ranting and raving. I do have something to add on a serious note. The most recent example of "no matter what" came almost two months ago. On this particular night, he and I were on good terms, and had been for quite some time. I think there was even some talk about making things "unofficially official", or some such nonsense, I don't know, I've tried to block that part out. Anyways, he had been out drinking on this evening and had been keeping me abreast of his activities via text message. I was a little annoyed, but nothing out of the ordinary.

Because I knew he had been drinking, I wasn't surprised when I heard his ring tone go off around 3 in the morning. John Legend's "This Time", which gives me chills every time I hear it, now. I usually don't answer phone calls at this time of night, but for some reason, I picked up the call. A pointless conversation ensued. About halfway through the mindless chatter, he had a call waiting on the other line from his sister, unusual for this time of the night/morning. When he switched back over from speaking with her I knew something was wrong because of the shaky way he said my name. He told me his family had been in a car accident on the highway, a head-on collision with a 19-year-old drunk driver. His Father and 10-year-old Brother were doing alright, but his Mother was trapped in the car.

It was a nightmare. I spent the next few hours on the phone with him, talking him through every range of emotion expected of someone in that situation. I listened to him panic and cry, I calmed him down and talked him out of murdering a 19-year-old. Nightmare. It's funny how human nature works. When someone you love is in crisis, nothing matters. It didn't matter that he was acting foolish earlier and saying inappropriate things, it didn't matter that we were in the middle of another unhealthy conversation, every heartbreak he had caused me in the past was immediately irrelevant, because I have never felt a pain like the one he was feeling in that moment.

Did I mention he lives in Texas? Yeah, he lives 600 miles away from me. He asked me to come down, so of course, I did. Don't even ask me how much the last-minute flight cost, but like my roommate's Jewish mother says, there's no price. I hadn't seen him in a year, so I was the world's most nervous person on the flight down to Texas. What am I going to feel when he picks me up at the airport? Why didn't I get a haircut or a spray tan....I knew I would regret skipping those workouts...I was a bundle of nerves. Truth be told, I had been putting off visiting my friends in Texas all year, because I was afraid I would just burst into uncontrollable tears the moment I saw him.

I didn't. In fact, much to my surprise, I didn't do much of anything. I didn't feel much of anything. The only thing that came to mind to say was, "You're tall." I'm eloquent that way. He is tall by the way, 6' 3'' at the very least. Now, I'm not going to go into everything that occurred during my visit, because I'm honestly not ready to drudge it all out of my memory just yet. The wounds are fresh. But it'll make for a juicy blog some day, I'm sure. Bottom line, I was there for 5 days, saw him for the first 24 hours, and spent the majority of my time stuck in my former roommate's apartment, alone.

None of that is what is bothering me, currently. What keeps me up at night is this; it's like it never happened. After my flight landed and I was back home, everything was as if I had never left in the first place. We didn't talk about it, he didn't mention it, in fact, he didn't mention much of anything. I understand that some men can't handle their emotions, and certainly this was an emotion-filled time for him, so I gave him a lot of benefit of the doubt. I figured we would talk when he was ready to talk. But we didn't, we still haven't, and it's eating me alive.

After a tense week of forced conversation, I learned that he has a new girlfriend [again]. It doesn't even surprise me anymore, but there's still that little pang of hurt every time. To go from hearing the "I love you"s and all the realtionshippy things that come along with it one week, to having that same person be with someone else the next week gives me a kind of emotional whip-lash that I can't even begin to know how to deal with. All I know is that I'm done making excuses. When people go through trauma, they're allowed to act however they want, within reason. As long as they're not harming themselves, or physically harming others, there should be no judgement. I'm not holding it against him.

So, that's the stance I'm taking now. I'm not going to slip back into my old routine and wait around. It's ridiculous. I flew 1200 miles, spent 5 days and way too much money, and it's like it never happened. I have proven to him, and definitely to myself, that I will do anything for the ones I love. I'm beyond heart-broken. I'm devastatingly confused, I never imagined that being there for this man would be the thing that causes me to lose him, for good this time, I think.

Sometimes, I think this last disappointment was necessary. Although this time was not his fault, with so much time and distance between us, it was easy for me to forget just how bad it feels to go out of your way only to be let down. Let me clarify something, I did not fly to Texas to reconcile with my ex-boyfriend. I flew down to be with my best friend during the hardest time of his life. But all that has transpired between us since the ill-fated trip has just been awful, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. No, I'm not over him. Yes, I still love him so badly that it deprives me of sleep. But I'm getting over him, and it's not every night anymore, so that's progress.

There's nothing left for me to do, but live. If I keep breathing, eventually things will get better. If, by some miracle, this girl turns out to be the one for him, I wish him all the happiness in the world. Well, maybe not all of it, let's be truthful here. I do wish him well, I love him-and that's not going to change. Okay, so that's my admission, my poorly hidden secret, and just one of the issues I'm dealing with. Life is a work in progress, after all.

Quick update:
His family is doing much better. Mom and Brother have had multiple surgeries and his Mother is still in a rehab center, I have a feeling she will be there for a long time. She has always been a very special person to me, and I will continue to have faith and pray for her recovery. I'm planning to write another entry about the accident when I have more time and strength of mind/heart to do it justice. This was more a therapy session via Blogger for me.

Photo Credit:
Catholic Home and Garden
(I'm protestant though, in case you wondered).

"Let Go" Frou Frou
"Speeding Cars" Imogen Heap
"One of Those Days" Joshua Radin

Sunday, October 11, 2009

...when it's fall-ish

I would just like the world to know that it SNOWED on Saturday morning. In OCTOBER. How ridiculous.

At approximately 4 in the morning, I awakened to the sound of what I thought was raindrops. Wrong. I stared out the window and watched the leaves fall from the trees, pouring down like rain. Wind was howling and branches were swaying- a good old-fashioned thunderstorm. If you know me at all, you know that I love rain, I love thunder, lightening, all of that. I love nothing more than a lazy Saturday rainstorm where I can cuddle up with a book and a cup of tea. This however, no was no rainstorm. It started out as such but as I watched, the freezing raindrops transformed into giant snowflakes before my sleepy eyes.

Of course, from then on, there was no sleep for me. I officially "got up" around 8 and started getting ready for a long day of work, realizing as I was walking out the door that I should have left some time for the winter car chores. The temperature outside was semi-confusing to the senses. Although snow had fallen, much of it had either melted on the way down, or dissolved as it hit the not-yet-frozen earth. I didn't even need a winter coat, the temperature was chilly at worst.

What I did notice, however, were the leaves. Hundereds of them, covering the yard, the driveway, the street. Everything was covered in a blanket of yellow-green. Lucky for me, only a couple inches had accumulated on the top of my beloved Tauri (the 97 Ford Taurus, for those of you new to my blog), and I was able to brush off the powerdery stuff quickly and without much trouble. Tauri roared to life -well, groaned to life, anyways- and we were off.

I don't know what the weather is trying to pull, but last I checked, it was Autumn. Autumn is a great season, college football (Go Huskers), leaves changing, pumpkin pie, spiced apple cider...some of my favorite things! It seems as though big bad winter has decided to come early, and I'm worried that it's here to stay. I am not prepared. There are hats and mittens and scarves to be found, boots to be purchased, sweaters to be brought out of storage! I haven't even begun to think about Christmas shopping...go away Winter, I am not ready for you yet! Let me stay and revel in my beloved Autumn, I'll meet you in December.

“How did it get so late so soon?
It's night before its afternoon.
December is here before it's June.
My goodness how the time has flewn.
How did it get so late so soon?”

-Dr. Seuss

-V. O'Neel
Photo: view of my lovely porch, on my way to work.

"Winter Song" Sara Barielles ft. Ingrid Michaelson
"Snow Miser" from Year Without a Santa Claus

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

I'm ready.

One of my favorite things about music, it that it speaks when you can not. There are so many times when a certain situation will render me speechless, and I will turn to my piano or my radio to give me words. I'm sure everyone can relate. If you are a regular reader of my blog; first of all, thank you, and secondly, you know that I chatter quite a bit about relationships and love. I've been trying to put into words how I feel about my past, what I'm experiencing now, and what I hope for my future. Sometimes though, I fail. Enter Billy Joel.

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

For some reason this morning, I felt it was important that I share this with you, my dear reader. I am ready for new. I am ready for new experiences, new people, new challenges, new love. I am ready to open up again, I think I can take it. I am ready to leap into situations unknown, to put my faith in my God and trust that I will land on my feet, or He will catch me. All I can do is keep breathing, place one foot in front of the other, and live my life as best as I can. Will I stumble? Most certainly. I do know however, that eventually I will figure it all out, and I will make sense of this hodgepodge of a life I've got going.

So, what am I looking for? I'm looking for a career in which I feel fulfilled. A job that is more than a job, somewhere I can help. I'm looking for someone who not only accepts me despite my past, but because of it. A person who can love the pieces of my being, and also the completion. For the first time in a long time, I actually have faith that I will obtain all of these things. For the first time in a long time, I truly believe that I deserve them.
"And So it Goes" Billy Joel
"Use Somebody" Kings of Leon
"The Way I Am" Ingrid Michaelson

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Too much.

via @writingprompt on twitter:
"her green eyes" [Prompt for 10/06/09]
Too Much

Her green eyes have seen too much.

They have seen the face of her baby brother,
swollen and blue.
Now she wants to take care of him.

They have seen scars.
Scars on the chest of a man with chestnut skin,
Now she wants to heal him.

Her green eyes have lost their sparkle.
They have lost their shine,
their glow.

They have become
from lack of sleep,
and worry.

Her green eyes have seen too many tears.

They've cried for joy,

-V. O'Neel

I'm not all gloom & doom, I promise. =)

"Lady" Regina Spektor
"Balcony/Green Eyes" Joe Purdy
"Blue Lips" Regina Spektor

Friday, October 2, 2009

Making Strides

I have signed up to walk in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk on October 18th. I am currently collecting donations and would appreciate any help you can give. Feel free to share this link with your friends, family, co-workers, or anyone else you think might be interested. Any amount will help, and I know that together we can make a difference to fight this disease which affects so many women and their families across our country.

My Grandmother is a Breast Cancer survivor. I was so young when they found her cancer, I don't even remember it. She was lucky enough to have it detected on a regular mammogram, the cancer was the size of the head of a pin. She was one of the lucky ones, and I am so grateful to organizations like the American Cancer Society for being such strong advocates for education and fundraising. Events like Making Strides are invaluable, they help bring awareness and much needed funds to support research and treatment.

I have had the same best friend since I moved next door to her over 14 years ago. Her mom, Beth, has been like a second mother to me, and I can't imagine my life without her. When I was a senior in high school, Beth was diagnosed with Breast Cancer for the first time. She went through chemotherapy and a very painful surgery to remove nearly half of her right breast, but her treatments were successful, and she was in remission for the next few years. Last summer, Beth went in for her check-up. Unfortunately the doctors found that she had Breast Cancer in her left breast this time, and worse, it had spread to her lymph nodes. She made the bold decision to have a double mastectomy and is now going through chemotherapy for the second time.

I will always admire her for her strength and courage. She has been so incredibly tough throughout this whole ordeal, because she has to be. Beth Loper is the glue that holds her family together, and she knows it. I have seen the way it affects her entire family and the way it has affected mine as well. Right now, the Loper family is fighting for more than just Beth. Her mother and mother-in-law are also currently in treatment for Breast Cancer. My best friend, Allison, is considering preemptive mastectomy to prevent her from getting the cancer which has plagued all generations of her family thus far. We will all continue to pray and have faith that these very important, very strong women, will win their fight.

A little over four years ago, I lost someone very close to me from Breast Cancer. A client of my Mother's, and a close family friend, was diagnosed with breast cancer in her early thirties. She had a toddler son whom I would often babysit. She and her husband were very active in a local church in my hometown, and Julie had a smile that lit up the room. I watched this vibrant, young woman go through chemotherapy and lose her hair and eventually, her breasts. Throughout the entire ordeal, I never once saw Julie without a smile on her face. She was the epitome of strength to me. Sadly, she lost her fight with Breast Cancer, but she will never stop inspiring me and the others whose lives she touched with her positivity. I oftentimes wonder if her son, Luke, who was only three when she passed away, will ever know just how hard his mother fought to stay with him.

As I write this I am furious. I have been so blessed in my life, and I live in such a time of technology, money, and progress, I can't rationalize to myself that there is no cure for Cancer. Treatment is great, and certainly there are many success stories, for which I am grateful. Treatment, however, is not enough. I will not be satisfied until there is a cure for this disease, and there are no more women dying, no more broken families, and no more fear.

Please click on the link below to view my personal page on the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer website. I would greatly appreciate any gift you can give, and you truly will be helping make a difference in the lives of women across the country.


The American Cancer Society
Shared via AddThis

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.”
-Dr. Seuss
"Praise You in this Storm" Casting Crowns

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Calling All Heroes!

“We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.”

I have a lot on my mind this evening, although I'm afraid I haven't got much to say. I'm kind of getting to a point, at least with certain topics, where there are no more words. In short, I want a lot of things for my life. I have often had the internal dialogue; where do I want to be in 5 years? 10? and it usually comes down to the same basic outline; finish my Bachelor's, Master's, get married, raise some kiddos. Hopefully a brilliant career will find it's way in there, somewhere.

I do not believe in taking a passive stance in life. Having goals is useless unless you are willing to do the work it takes to achieve them. I have a hard time not knowing, and an even harder time admitting that there are some things I can't do much about. I can do my best to put myself in a position to be successful in school, and at my workplace, and I can achieve those goals.

I can
not however, simply say to myself; Okay. This month, I'm going to find myself a husband. At least, I don't think that's how it works. I'm fine being single for now, mostly. I am just growing tired of it. I oftentimes feel like I'm stuck in a cycle of bad dates, failed relationships, and if I'm honest, one jackass after another-an endless string of letdowns.

So where's this "white knight" my Mother (and Walt Disney
) told me about when I was a little girl? Isn't there supposed to be some perfectly chiseled, well spoken, handsome young man around here somewhere? Well, if there is, I certainly haven't found him yet. I'm [still] waiting for my hero. I realize there is not much I can do, so I will have faith and wait patiently until my Prince comes along to save me from this unending chain of frogs.

Now, I don't expect to be literally
swept off my feet by some square-jawed Dream Man, but I wouldn't pass up the opportunity, should it pull up to my house in a horse-drawn carriage; that's all I'm saying.

Note: before you all die of a cliché overload; I'm only half-serious with this post. =)

"Holding out for a Hero" Frou Frou
"Dreams" The Cranberries

: I took this at my cousin's wedding ceremony.
Cutest flower girl ever, right?
Edited using Picnik.
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