Friday, December 24, 2010

"It's going to be peeling a turtle."

holidayinn.jpg (400×285)

Oh, how I love old Christmas movies!

For the past year, when it comes to movies, we just haven't seen eye to eye. Josh always goes for a slap-stick comedy, and although I do enjoy a little college humor every now and then, I usually prefer something with a little more of a complex storyline; a drama that lets me invest in the characters or even an action-packed thriller to keep me on the edge of my seat. In effort to stave off an hour long search on netflix trying to find a suitable compromise, we started with the claymation classics, The Year Without a Santa Claus, Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. We both grew up watching them, so there was no conflict here. Besides, with narration by Fred Astaire and Burl Ives, what's not to like?

...and then I decided to take a chance. I set up his DVR to record two of my favorite Bing Crosby classics; White Christmas and Holiday Inn. Cuddled up on the couch with Penny in tow, I talked him into watching one. Imagine my elation as I saw him smiling and swooning along with me to the velvety smooth crooning of Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, and Rosemary Clooney in White Christmas. It was a perfect evening with my love.

The next day, I was surprised to recieve a voicemail from Josh asking me to come over for some cheese and crackers and "I thought we could watch that Holiday Inn movie". =) Now I don't know if he truly wanted to watch it, or he just knows how much I love the flick but either way, I have an amazing, handsome man who loves to see me happy. What more could a girl ask for?

I've learned many things over the past year; about relationships, Joshua, and myself. Perhaps the most important lesson I've learned...or maybe re-learned, is that even the most love-filled relationships take work...and lots of it! I've learned that I don't mind a little struggle as long as it's constructive, and I have definitely learned that sometimes I need to take a step back and trust that my Joshua has my best interest at heart. He usually does. =)

Right now, this semi-cheesy quote is my mantra of the year:

"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it."
-Harvey MacKay

Happy Holidays, everyone! I'm off to enjoy my Christmas Eve!


"Snow" from White Christmas
"White Christmas" Bing Crosby
"Here (In Your Arms)" Hellogoodbye

Sunday, November 28, 2010

'Tis The Season be THANKFUL.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I spent mine with Joshua's family in the bustling metropolis of Fairbury, NE. It was great to meet his mother's side of the family. They are so different from my family in their traditions and small town upbringing, but on some level, sitting around the living room filled with collectibles and family photos, I felt very at home. In essence, a family is a group of people thrown together in life based on genetics and chance, who love each matter what. His Grandparents have been married for 63 years...isn't that refreshing? act impulsively.

So, I quit my job today. Actually, I gave notice at my second job that has been consuming my weekends, my social life, and my immune system. Why eliminate extra income during the holiday (read: $$$$$$$) season? I'm still trying to figure out if I regret this decision or not. To be honest, I know I can find another way to supplement my income if need be but for now, I would like to invest a little in my relationships.

The only time I spend with my family is the approximately 20 seconds (or less) it takes me to unleash my pup and shove her through the door of my parent's house. They are so kind to puppysit for me during my workdays. My little sister just turned 21 and my brother is a junior in high school. I feel that I check in less with them now than I did when I lived in Texas.

I miss my boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I see him all the time, but we still struggle to put together enough quality time to be satisfied. Now that we both have our weekends back we can relax a little instead of having to coordinate schedules just to watch a little t.v. and fall asleep. I'm looking forward to sleeping in on Saturdays and maybe actually making it to church on Sunday instead of having to be at work by 7. It's the little things, folks.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

"...what's worth the prize is always worth the fight."

I know it hurts now,
but it's just growing pains, baby.

Love is nothing if not a work in progress,
and we are far from over.

The fear is not in the falling,
but in not having a safe place to land.

Lend me trust and I will earn it,
Give your heart to me and I will merge it with mine.

Trust me love, there is no safer keeping place.

Time is slipping away from us, dear one.
Every second flies by faster than the last.

In whatever time we have,
let's make our mark.

"If Today Was Your Last Day" Nickelback

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Antici..(SAY IT!)...pation

I know it's been awhile since I've posted on here and I guess my only real excuse is that my brain is so jumbled these days it's hard for me to sit down and try and organize my thoughts into something readable. Lame, right?

The past few weeks in a nutshell:

- I LOVE my job. Working with children, although not with
out its stresses, is what I was put on this earth to do, hands down. It fulfills me and pays the bills...that's what we call a win-win. =)

-While trying to be cute & carving our initials into a pumpkin, I sliced my finger open and triggered Joshua's phobia of small finger cuts. No stitches were required...but it was kinda funny watching him freak out. Good times.

-Josh & I attended our very first midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show on Halloween. I had seen the flick a few times but never in a's a totally different experience, let me tell you. If you're easily offended..its not your scene, but it's lots of harmless fun nonetheless.
-Penny Lane the puggle is cuter (and naughtier) than ever.

-Josh landed a position he's been wanting for a long time. He was able to give notice at his current place of work today...I'll just summarize by saying this is a much needed upgrade. He deserves it. Yay!

We have been so blessed this week, it has us wondering what we did to deserve it. I think the answer is simple; God rewards patience. He is good (ALL the time!).

Welcome, Autumn. What else will you bring? I can't wait to find out.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Date Night Drama: From Bling to Breakdown

Oh, hi there! I apologize for my absence. I was working two jobs and having no social life again, silly me, forgot to blog!

Josh and I are still doing the date night thing, this time we ventured to Granite City here in town. He told me to pick my favorite restaurant, but I over-analyzed (duh) and chose GC because I thought Josh would like it. End result? Neither of us were thrilled. My wine was great but let's face it, I always think the wine is great. After dinner was finished, we decided to skip dessert and get the check.

We headed to Carmela's Bistro and Wine Bar afterwards, and I must say, Carmela's saved the evening. The atmosphere is so welcoming; definitely upscale in prices and service, but I would have been comfortable in jeans and flats. We ordered creme brulee, a bottle of bubbly, and cuddled up at a cozy corner table. Josh couldn't wipe the grin off his face, so I knew something was up.

About halfway through the delicious dessert, he held my left hand and took off the cocktail ring I was wearing. When my confused eyes met his, I could see the candle light reflecting in the tears brimming in his baby blues. Before I knew it, out of my mouth comes, "Don't do it!". He asked what I meant and I blurted, "Don't propose!". He chuckled, told me not to worry and reached into his pocket and pulled out something delicate and very shiny.

A ring with diamonds, but not a diamond ring. I loved it. He told me I have his heart. I adore him. Luckiest girl in the world.

....and then my car broke down.

Life has a way of keeping you humble, doesn't it? I seem to go from floating on clouds to bawling my eyes out in seconds, I'm very stable that way. In any matter, my car is not dead. Tauri the Taurus lives to fight another day...with a brand new water pump expertly installed by Joshua's older brother. I live a charmed life, folks. I am blessed beyond imagination and always provided for.

I have a flare for the dramatic, as evidenced by most of my posts on this blog ;-) I wish I would have handled the the car situation better instead of letting stress and thoughts of dollar signs dancing in my head overtake the happy moment I was given. All I can say is that I'm working on it, I am always learning and trying to improve myself, luckily I have a man in my life who loves me "for [my] mess", as he describes it. That's more than enough for me =)

Here are some photos from our very eventful evening out:

"Maybe I'm Amazed" Paul McCartney

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Welcome to Sicksville. Population....Me.

Anyone can bring you flowers on the first date. Only true love shows up at your apartment after a long day at work with chicken noodle soup, cold medicine, cough drops, and mentholated chest rub.

My beau had a rough day today. First of all, he's moving into his new apartment and it has been raining on and off all last night and throughout the day. Then, on his way to work, his car key broke off in the ignition. Random, right? He had to call a locksmith and I don't understand everything it entailed, but he said something about his console being dismantled. No fun. On top of everything, my honey worked a long shift late into the night and yet, he still called me on his break to ask me how I was doing. Unbelievable. He asked if I needed anything, and started to make a list, even though I told him it was unnecessary.

This man then shows up at my door with all of the aforementioned medicines, rubs my feet and embraces me, ignoring my germ-ridden contagiousness and the pile of half-used tissues on my bed. Nicest. Boyfriend. EVER!

This is my life, people. I don't understand it. I should be helping Josh move into his new apartment but instead, I am the one being taken care of. I'm not used to being on the receiving end of this kind of treatment. Before he left this evening I asked him, "Are you always going to be like this? Like, taking care of me, bringing me stuff and being nice?" to which he smiled and answered, "Yes. I mean, I have my moments, but yeah. This is me."

It makes me proud to know that there are people in this world who are just genuinely and inherently good. It makes me blessed to know that I'm dating one of them. This is the boy I crushed on all throughout early adolescence. This is the sailor who stole my heart during my freshman year in college. This is the man who loves me more than anything and thinks I'm the prettiest girl he's ever seen.

Joshua Michael, you're the best. Now, stay away from me and my germs. I love you more!


Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Behold! The healing power of Date Night.

The [AMAZING] boyfriend took me to dinner at JTK in the Haymarket this past weekend. Fabulous idea, if I do say so myself! We ate, we drank, we laughed, we made out like teenagers. Good times had by all. Afterwards, we took a little stroll to The Mill and Josh sipped his classic coffee while I enjoyed a perfectly frothy latte. So far, I'm a big fan of getting back to the basics.

Evidence of happiness is as follows:

Photos: Some straight off the camera phone, others edited on Picnik. I'm sure you can tell the difference ;-)

"Anything but Mine" Kenny Chesney
"Let it be Me" Ray LaMontagne

Monday, August 30, 2010

Back to Basics

Joshua and I have decided to start dating, which makes sense...because we're dating. Confused? Let me explain.

Now is a time of my life for assessment. Since I am clearly going to be in school until I DIE, I'm letting that one go for now. I'll just perpetually enroll in classes until they give me a diploma because they're sick of my face. Work is slowly sucking the life out of me as well, but for good reasons. This whole having two jobs, no day off and a microscopic social life thing is exhausting, but I know it will pay off in the long run.

This is the time of my life to work too hard, save as much as possible and prepare for the future. I'm getting Kindermusik at the Daycare center, which is amazing! I truly feel that God answers prayers in the most unexpected ways. I get to spend all day every day doing what I love to do and getting paid for it. Working with children is the most rewarding thing I have ever experienced, and has always been my calling. I don't know why I ever left the business...but it's so good to be back!

Due to the conflicts and conversations Josh & I have been having lately, we have decided to get back to basics. Because we have history, it was easy to fall fast. We quickly skipped past courtship and dove headfirst into the 'comfort zone' that comes with a long term relationship. The problem is, this isn't really all that long term at this point. Depending on which of us you ask, we've been together for 6-8 months. I don't place too much value on the actual date we started dating, because I have an inkling I could spend a big chunk of my life with this man and when you're thinking in terms of forever, who needs to count?

Getting back to my point...back to basics. We're making a conscious effort to get out more. We've slipped into a pattern of work, school/more work, meet at my place, play with the puppy, eat (whatever I'm cooking/ordering for) dinner, smooch, sleep, repeat. Although we don't actually cohabitate, we are in essence, living together. Not really having meaningful conversations, not doing anything in terms of quality time; just going through life, but at least we're doing it together. It's given us a pseudo-sense of closeness but when conflicts arise, I realize I don't know this man as well as I thought.

The solution? Date Night. It gives both of us a break from the chaos of the week, plus it reminds Joshua that I actually do own clothing other than uniforms and pajamas. I'm excited for this new, old-school chapter of our relationship...I think good things are on the way!

As always, I am ever reminded of the blessings I encounter daily. Thank you Lord for all you have given me, let me never take your generosity for granted!

If I could, I urge you to count your blessings this morning & have a great Monday!

"Fallin' for You" Colbie Callait
"Mine" Taylor Swift
"Hands Down" Dashboard Confessional (acoustic version)

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Identity Crisis

Isn't it funny how relationships change everything? You take on the interests, stresses, and schedule of one another without necessarily meaning to. Even your vocabulary changes. 'I' becomes 'we', 'mine' becomes 'our' and seemingly overnight, I've lost my 'me' to an 'us'.

Recently, I've been feeling a little lost within this world of plurals, I'm missing the simplicity of single life. I've been trying to take a step back to collect my thoughts and move forward, but my step has been misinterpreted as a push. He thinks I'm keeping him at arms' length, but all I'm trying to keep is my head above water.

Staying sane is priority number one right now. That, and getting some sunlight or spray tan in my life ASAP. I'm albino-ing out over here, but I digress. Lately, the bf and I have been having some very marriage-y conversations. I guess because we are both employed and he's graduating in September(!), that means we should exchange rings and start procreating. (We're having a girl first, we already decided.)

There are so many things I need to DO with my life before all of that. I know that he loves me- I am more convinced of this than I am that the world is turning. I'm just not entirely sold on thinking that he likes me. I think I annoy him, and that's no good. Bickering old married couples only work on sit-coms, not in real life.

I feel myself having to pry into his head to discern how he's really feeling. Then, I sit around and obsess and analyze until I can't even remember what I was thinking about in the first place. Sounds exceedingly healthy, no? All the thinking in the world is meaningless however, because if I ever get to the point where I convince myself that maybe he and I are not meant to be, I get an instantaneous lightening bolt to the chest to remind me that I love him in a way I've never felt before. My brain and my heart are bitter enemies.

Listen, folks; I can't complain. I have never been treated better in my entire life. No one has ever shown me more compassion and love in my twenty three years of living. All of this was true years before we even started dating, back when he was the guy I would call to pick up the pieces when I had had a fight/breakup/reunion with my ex or when I was lost/stranded/lonely/bored/crying/out of people to call. He has been both the champion and the wrecker of my heart, and though there have been times of hurt feelings and a touch of betrayal; I don't think I will ever again find a love like this.

Tomorrow night is supposed to be our date night, although up until now, I would've have bet it would end in a circular conversation about everything that's broken between us. I'm deciding against it. Tomorrow, I'm going to curl my hair, put on a dress he's never seen me in before and meet him at the door with a smile. "It's just growing pains", I'll say. I'll mean it. I think it's past time I put a little faith in the man who seems to have endless faith in me.

I want my relationship back and I want my identity back. I want to feel confident that I am deserving of the love I am shown, and I want Josh to be certain that I'm determined to see this thing through to the finish. I'm not naive enough to think nothing will break us; the truth is, I have no idea if I will see him smiling up at me from the alter someday, or not. But the option is there, and the chances are good.

"Do You Know Me At All" John Mayer

Monday, August 16, 2010

Sometimes I'd like to fall asleep for a month or two... or ten.

...but this man, he holds my heart in his strong hands.
He has given back my smile.
He wipes black tears from my eyes and kisses my forehead.
He says I'm stronger, better, for it all.
He carries me,
and the more I lean, the more I learn,
I can stand on my own.*

He's my little bit of You in this world,
always lifting my chin up, to see Your face.
He points me to You when I'm lost in chaos at my own hand.
He whispers blessings in my ear,
I can hear Your heart in the words of his prayer.

What right have I to give anything but gratitude?
Yet, my lips form only apologies.
Faith with no foundation is ignorance,
but knowledge without practice is fruitless.
The wisdom in my head is proving to be useless.
Let my roots grow deep.

Help me to see the path that you intend for me,
and to walk it with faith and trust,
forgetting selfish fear and doubt.
Please lift this cloud of regret from my mind,
I've tried to clear it on my own, without success.
It overtakes me and I am not myself.
Set me free from the lingerings of my past.
Wash me clean.

*First stanza from previous post.
Read full post: "Better"

"Lead me" Sanctus Real

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Loose Lips Sink Ships


Things I would never say out loud but for some reason feel the need to send out into cyberspace:

-I miss being single. I LOVE my boyfriend. He is my forever friend and I can't imagine my life without him, but I miss going out with my girls, flirting shamelessly, not having to pay for drinks, and sleeping diagonally across my bed. I was starting to be comfortable alone. I like being able to feel in control and not dependent upon a man for the safety of my heart.

-My relationship is getting serious and I am freaking out. He thinks I'm a flight risk, but the truth is, I'm just scared of failing. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.

-I still think about my ex. I worry how he's doing, if he's happy, how his family is doing, if his mother is back to where she was before the accident, if he thinks of me...

I miss my best friend, my partner in crime. I used to think nothing would ever tear us apart. I didn't take into account that drifting apart would hurt just as much. We are strangers to each other now. I'm so glad she has grown up and found love but sometimes, I long for the days of punk rock, cars with no air-conditioning, way too many calories, and fits of laughter for no reason.

-My health is starting to genuinely scare me. I play it off like it's no big deal, but I don't like that my headaches are getting worse and no one can tell me why. I think the neurologist was disappointed that they didn't find a tumor on my MRI, and that kind of freaks me out. I've had perfect vision my entire life and right now, the black writing on my screen is blurring. Contrast is not my friend.

-Biological clocks are no joke. My get-married-now-and-make-babies complex is setting in hardcore. I'm trying desperately to stay grounded and make decisions that I will be happy with in the long run. Being with someone like Josh doesn't make this any easier. I'm fairly certain he will always give me what I want because he wants me to be happy, even if it's not what he wants.

-Being in school is getting tiresome. Sometimes, I wish I could live on Wisteria Lane and cook and clean and raise children all while maintaining a perfect figure. Desperate Housewives is a ridiculous television program, but I wish it was my life. (see above)

"Secret" The Pierces
"Airplanes" B.O.B. featuring Hayley Williams

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Moving Day Drama: Ode to the Painter Guy

Dear Kelly,

You, Sir, are amazing.

Thank you for cleaning and painting my apartment (again) so Penny and I have a pretty (& clean!) place to live. We love you and hope you uncover the truth as to whichever person or persons mysteriously broke in and baked pizzas, exploded soda cans, and left boxer shorts out in the back yard. Their mischief was your misfortune and for that I am sorry. Your smiling face was the only thing that brightened this otherwise annoying and stressful discovery.

Thanks a million,

Vanessa and Penny

"Kind and Generous" Natalie Merchant

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Love is friendship set to music

More pics from our trip to Flordia!
These are from our dinner cruise:

"You and Me" Lifehouse
"Unforgettable" Nat "King" Cole

Monday, July 19, 2010

When life hands you lemons...

...squeeze them into your vodka tonic.

I had a weekend full of Mondays, can I complain a bit?

First of all, I was unexpectedly let go from my job on Friday. It turns out, the parents I worked for have been looking into daycare centers for their child, to "socialize" her. I have no problem with centers, or this couple putting their child in one. What I do have a problem with is being interviewed and asked to make a year long commitment, and then being let go less than two months later because a spot opened up in the center of their choice. I take being a nanny very seriously, I think it is a huge responsibility and privilege to care for children, and it is something that I take very personally.

So, can I look at this situation objectively? Not so much. If I had been told the truth from the beginning, absolutely. However, after leaving a company I had been with for over 2 years, turning down several other offers, and hedging my finances on this opportunity, I am so not the proverbial, 'happy camper' today. Adding insult to injury, my former employers are also fellow church members, so I really do feel taken advantage of by someone I trusted. I don't play the victim card, I certainly do not think it was their intent to cause me financial or emotional harm, they're just doing what they feel is best for their child; but I do know I would have handled things differently, had the situations been reversed. Oh well, live and learn.

Moving on, I am set to move into a new apartment, actually a duplex, August first. Well, that was the plan before last Friday, I honestly can't justify taking on more expenses with no income to back them up. We shall see. I have two weeks to find employment, and I am trying my best to remain optimistic that another opportunity will arise if I keep my eyes open. Who knows? Maybe I will be blessed with a situation that is even better for me than this was. Either way, I hold no grudges and will not let a minor setback overwhelm me. All I can do is apply like crazy, and keep moving forward until something opens up. In the meantime, I have a fully stocked Hulu queue, an adorable puppy, and a man I'm crazy about to keep me company.

Mantra of the moment: Stay in the positive. Inhale, Exhale, Repeat.

"Keep Breathing" Ingrid Michaelson
"Back in the Saddle Again" Gene Autry

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Why you haven't been hearing from me...

This is why I am the happiest girl in the world today:
Our trip to Tampa, July 4-9, 2010.

More to come!

"Two Tickets to Paradise" Eddie Money
"Barefoot and Crazy" Jack Ingram

Thursday, July 1, 2010

...and baby makes three.

Last week, Joshua and I got to meet this little bundle of joy. Her name is Cami Ann and she is my good friend's daughter. It was such a blessing to watch such an amazing woman fit perfectly into the role of 'mother'. Over the past couple years we have had many conversations about men and babies, and words can not express how happy I am for her! You deserve everything, Leesha. I love you, mama!
8 lbs. of ADORABLE

Vanessa and Cami

Cami's little Buddha belly

Telling her how much I'm going to spoil her.
I'm thinking...Disney EVERYTHING.

Josh and baby Cami at 6 days old.

Cami with her mommy and daddy

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

So, Yo Gabba Gabba really freaks me out...

This morning I am not in the best of moods. There are several reasons for this;
  • Running off of approx. 4 hours of sleep (for several nights in a row)
  • There is ground coffee here, but no coffee maker. I totally just put a filter in my cup and poured hot water over it. Result: weakest cup of coffee ever. Caffeine should come in the form of an I.V.
  • The THREE year old I nanny hasn't even begun potty-training
  • Last night, I picked a fight with Josh for no reason. He didn't really do anything to deserve it, except for being within a 10 ft. radius of me & my crazy.
  • Allergies
  • Weezer is singing a song called "All My Friends Are Insects" on the television right bug costumes.
Okay. Time to de-stress. It's almost my favorite time of the day...naptime! The kiddo is finishing her lunch right now, then it's TV off, diaper change, baby monitor on, BREAK TIME!

Hope your Wednesday is off to a better start than mine!


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

One Love

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end.

Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

Tuesday Tunes

"Love is a FRIENDSHIP set to MUSIC"
-Joseph Campbell

"Wonderwall" Ryan Adams
"Little Bit" Lykke Li ft. Drake
"Shelter" Ray LaMontagne

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Patience is a virtue...[babble before breakfast]

Patience is not something that is traditionally valued in our culture. Mine is the instant gratification generation. We want the best, and we want it now. I can Tivo my favorite television programs if I don't feel like waiting through the commercials, and if I don't feel like waiting until I get home, I can always watch it on Hulu.

I am not a patient person. As horrible as it sounds, if something doesn't come easily to me, I don't usually stick with it. In my life growing up, I thought I was hard-working. I now know this to be false. The things I devoted my time to, are the things I have always been naturally gifted in, and in which I have had to put forth minimal effort to succeed. School was the easiest thing ever for me with the exception of mathematics, a subject I always ended up sliding by in, usually by winning the teacher over with my dazzling personality and/or flirting with the cute(ish), smart guy sitting next to me and having him "help" me.

Music has been one of the most influential forces in my life since before I can remember, but I know that I've never had to work very hard, or at all, to be successful. Everything I wanted, I got. Everything I tried out for, I made. I sometimes can't believe I had the nerve to audition for All State (choir) by basically sight-reading the music. I am very grateful for my talent and that that which I'm passionate about is an area I have natural ability in, but there's something to be said for work ethic. And patience.

I am impatient in relationships. I want people to be up front and honest, and to stick to their word, 'final answer?' style. I don't have the time for character flaws, or to deal with my own. I want to know the past, present, and plans for the future, so I can make a timely decision on whether the relationship is worth pursuing or devoting energy and emotion to. It sounds cold, but I assure you, I'm not. This might be the only calculating, "rational" thought process I employ, as most of my actions are based in emotion, not logic. I think this pro and con list approach is my defense mechanism of choice; needing to see a situation from every single possible angle so I am never fully surprised or disappointed at any given outcome. Healthy? Perhaps not. But it works, for the most part.

So, here's what I'm learning, folks:
Patience is good.

Waiting is good for me, it breeds character. It's healthy to not always get what I want, when and how I want it. Sometimes, what I think I want, I am not ready for. God is a much better judge of my readiness, than I. In my most uncertain times, I learn the most.

Case in point: my current relationship. In the beginning, all he asked me for was time. Time for him to see things from my point of view, and for me to try and understand where he was coming from as well. We were raised in the same city, but in two entirely different worlds. We are so not two peas, but the really great thing, is that we're getting there. This morning, we had an extended conversation about a not so glorious story from my past. Instead of hearing my words and making up a version of the story in his mind, with his spin on it, he listened to me. It really helped put a lot of things in perspective for us. There was an issue in the beginning of our relationship that feels very resolved now, and I am more confident now now than ever, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Long story even longer, sometimes when I am patient, even begrudgingly, I get what I truly want, just not in the way I thought it would turn out.

Did that seem a little ambiguous and confusing? I'm sorry if it did, but I would like to respect his privacy (kinda), and quite honestly, I think I'm going to be done typing now and go great ready to have a little brunch with my man. Just know that I'm happy, he's happy, and Penny the puggle is cuter than ever.

That's all for now, friends. Have a great Sunday, be blessed!

"Patience" Guns n Roses
"Right Here Waiting" Staind

See? Sometimes if we are PATIENT we get something even better than what we originally had in mind =)

Oh, The Temptation from Steve V on Vimeo.

photo: Just a shadow on the wall, thought it was cool, posted it to Blogger. That's all.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Happy Summer Solstice!

Today is the longest day of the year...and Lincoln, Nebraska, has spent most of it in a thunderstorm. The sun is finally peeking it's way through the clouds after a morning of dreary, soppiness. I absolutely love warm weather, and am so looking forward to Summer 2010!

On the to-do list this summer...
  • Lazy days in the park with Penny
  • New Connect Group (bible study)
  • Tampa (!) with Joshua for the 4th of July
  • Move into new apartment!
  • $ave for new car...Tauri has seen better days, folks.
  • Puppy training classes for Penny
  • Go to the Nebraska State Fair [hello! Lifehouse, Josh Turner, Phil Vassar]
  • Take lots & lots of photos, remember everything!
Summer is here!
What are your plans?

"Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer" Nat "King" Cole
"Summertime" Ella Fitzgerald/Louis Armstrong
"Summer Breeze" Jason Mraz (Seals and Crofts cover)
"This Afternoon" Nickelback

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