Sunday, June 27, 2010

Patience is a virtue...[babble before breakfast]

Patience is not something that is traditionally valued in our culture. Mine is the instant gratification generation. We want the best, and we want it now. I can Tivo my favorite television programs if I don't feel like waiting through the commercials, and if I don't feel like waiting until I get home, I can always watch it on Hulu.

I am not a patient person. As horrible as it sounds, if something doesn't come easily to me, I don't usually stick with it. In my life growing up, I thought I was hard-working. I now know this to be false. The things I devoted my time to, are the things I have always been naturally gifted in, and in which I have had to put forth minimal effort to succeed. School was the easiest thing ever for me with the exception of mathematics, a subject I always ended up sliding by in, usually by winning the teacher over with my dazzling personality and/or flirting with the cute(ish), smart guy sitting next to me and having him "help" me.

Music has been one of the most influential forces in my life since before I can remember, but I know that I've never had to work very hard, or at all, to be successful. Everything I wanted, I got. Everything I tried out for, I made. I sometimes can't believe I had the nerve to audition for All State (choir) by basically sight-reading the music. I am very grateful for my talent and that that which I'm passionate about is an area I have natural ability in, but there's something to be said for work ethic. And patience.

I am impatient in relationships. I want people to be up front and honest, and to stick to their word, 'final answer?' style. I don't have the time for character flaws, or to deal with my own. I want to know the past, present, and plans for the future, so I can make a timely decision on whether the relationship is worth pursuing or devoting energy and emotion to. It sounds cold, but I assure you, I'm not. This might be the only calculating, "rational" thought process I employ, as most of my actions are based in emotion, not logic. I think this pro and con list approach is my defense mechanism of choice; needing to see a situation from every single possible angle so I am never fully surprised or disappointed at any given outcome. Healthy? Perhaps not. But it works, for the most part.

So, here's what I'm learning, folks:
Patience is good.

Waiting is good for me, it breeds character. It's healthy to not always get what I want, when and how I want it. Sometimes, what I think I want, I am not ready for. God is a much better judge of my readiness, than I. In my most uncertain times, I learn the most.

Case in point: my current relationship. In the beginning, all he asked me for was time. Time for him to see things from my point of view, and for me to try and understand where he was coming from as well. We were raised in the same city, but in two entirely different worlds. We are so not two peas, but the really great thing, is that we're getting there. This morning, we had an extended conversation about a not so glorious story from my past. Instead of hearing my words and making up a version of the story in his mind, with his spin on it, he listened to me. It really helped put a lot of things in perspective for us. There was an issue in the beginning of our relationship that feels very resolved now, and I am more confident now now than ever, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Long story even longer, sometimes when I am patient, even begrudgingly, I get what I truly want, just not in the way I thought it would turn out.

Did that seem a little ambiguous and confusing? I'm sorry if it did, but I would like to respect his privacy (kinda), and quite honestly, I think I'm going to be done typing now and go great ready to have a little brunch with my man. Just know that I'm happy, he's happy, and Penny the puggle is cuter than ever.

That's all for now, friends. Have a great Sunday, be blessed!

"Patience" Guns n Roses
"Right Here Waiting" Staind

See? Sometimes if we are PATIENT we get something even better than what we originally had in mind =)

Oh, The Temptation from Steve V on Vimeo.

photo: Just a shadow on the wall, thought it was cool, posted it to Blogger. That's all.

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