When covering your ass crosses the line

The nicest thing I have to say about the Sandusky/Paterno situation is this; There is NO grey area when it involves children. If people would have had the morality to take their suspicions to the police immediately, how many victims would have been spared? This world makes me sick sometimes. Cover up abuse to save face for a University? Really?

It is our job as adults to do the right thing and speak up for those who cannot defend themselves. Abuse of power seems to be running rampant these days, although I'm not naive enough to believe this is anything new.

The Grand Jury presentment is shocking and offensive and I can't help but think that most of these horrible acts could have been completely avoided. I made it through the first two pages.

Oh, and by the way...

I just want you all to know that I just chipped a tooth on a piece of SUSHI. I don't know who, I don't know where, but I must have done something to somebody to deserve this awful karma. OVER it. Who wants to donate to the "Vanessa needs to fix her car/computer/tooth/relationship/life" fund?

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Songs:
"Hate My Life" Theory of a Deadman
"All or Nothing" Theory of a Deadman

Three o'clock.

If my life were a reality show, tonight's episode would feature a makeup-less me, sitting alone in my apartment, snoring puggle at my feet. You would see me walk around in various states of undress, trying to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. Failure. In attempt to distract my restless mind, I turn on the computer and navigate directly to my hulu queue, hoping to be lulled to sleep by the adolescent drama of Pretty Little Liars (I have no shame).

The first set of commercials is nearly over when the screen freezes. Great. Restart the computer. Check the security system, firewall and malware protection turned off? Amazing, how long has this been going on? Thanks for the heads up, McAfee. Screen freezes again, shortly followed by the blue screen of death. Expletives abound.

Now it's 4 in the a.m. and the only thing I've managed to do is ramble my way through this post on my phone, cursing the person who convinced me using swype on a touchscreen phone was a good option for me. I just had to type the word "option" 5x before it understood that I was not trying to say "litton", whatever the eff that means.

Also, I now desperately need the wen haircare system thanks to Alyssa Milano and this half hour infomercial.

I am coming to the realization that alone time is not working for me right now. All of this "space" is suffocating me. That's my obvious observation of the night.

No one would watch this reality show.

No xoxo tonight kiddos, it's more like...

@#*&!,

V

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Freedom of Speech: ...and that's all I've got to say about that.

Maybe I'll readdress this topic once it's died down a little bit but for now, this is what I need to say;

Let's say there were only two options available, two buttons I could press. The first button would be "Osama Bin Laden lives" and the second, "Osama Bin Laden dies", I would press the second. Hands down, 100%. I just wouldn't throw a party and revel in his demise after pressing it.

Unfortunately, there are some people in this world who by their very existence, inhibit the lives of others. This man was one of them. I do recognize the fact that we are flawed creatures and I don't expect us to all hold hands and sing Kumbaya as we respect and appreciate one another's differences. I do know that I serve a God who looks beyond our differences and flaws and sees us as the beauteous beings of His creation. He loves us all. No exceptions. So, while I won't be mourning the loss of a tyrant of a man responsible for unfathomable death and pain, I will also not presume that dying at the hands of our military is his ultimate punishment. True justice and judgement comes from the Lord. A Navy Seal has nothing on Him.

I am not presuming to speak for God. I hate it when people do that. Radicals and Charismatics with posters in hand telling us all with their sharpies which groups of people "God Loves" or "God Hates". Ridiculous. All I'm saying is that in my lowly opinion, I think situations like this break His heart.  The whole thing is unfortunate. It is sad to me that hate exists in such a real way in this world. I remember September 11, 2001 and it was and continues to be a devastating day in the history of the United States.

I am excessively proud to be an American. I owe a debt of gratitude to the troops who have made my way of life possible. I love the freedom that we enjoy in the states and I wouldn't know what to do if it is ever lost. I pray that I will never have to find out. I'm just not closed-minded enough to believe that we as a country have any more value than the lives of others on the planet.

That's all. Let's see how much flack I get for this one.

Please baby Jesus, send me to Ireland. P.S. I love you.

Wow. April already? Time flies when you're doing absolutely nothing with your life. Okay, so that's not true but it feels like it sometimes. Don't mind me, I've been under the weather this weekend and Josh is away with his best friend in Alabama...drinking coffee, smoking cigars and most likely using deplorable grammar. For those of you who think I'm being judgmental, I tell you this; literally every time he has called me since his departure, he has told me he is "fixin' to" do one thing or another. ;-)

My genius plan to cheer myself up while the bf is away for nine days? Keep busy. And then I got sick. Can't breathe. So after emptying my hulu queue and watching all nineteen episodes of My So-Called Life on Netflix, I decided on pizza and a movie. So, now I'm feeling guilty for the calories and crying while I watch P.S. I Love You. Genius plan=LOSING. I don't even like Hilary Swank. I mean, I know I'm supposed to support her success because she hails from my state and all, but I just can't see past the fact that her teeth take up half of the television screen. Good Lord, those chompers. On the plus side, I get Gerard Butler, Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Harry Conick Jr. in the same flick. Amen.

Tomorrow is national time to go back to work day, also known as Monday, and although I'm sure it will suck as much as a normal Monday does, I am bound and determined to make something out of the next few days. It's gonna take some decongestant, tylenol, and a heck of a lot of caffeine...but I'm ready to get out of this apartment! Bring it on, world! ...but for now, I think I'll open a bottle of Moscato, snuggle up with Penny the puggle and complete my sad little single girl (not really) stereotype for the night. Or maybe a Guinness. Gotta love it.

How was your weekend, friends?

xoxo,

V

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Songs:

"Here Without You" 3 Doors Down

***I miss you JMD, dream date tonight? See you there, love.***

The "mean girl" in me.

I know I have a lot to recap, as *oops* it's been another month since I've graced this lonely little corner of the internet with a fresh post. My apologies. However, instead of telling you about the sweet gifts I received for the [formerly] dreaded Valentine's day or telling you how Uncle Sam redeemed himself in my eyes with a much needed tax refund...I thought I would spend a few minutes while I finish my Guinness to do what Eeyores do best; complain.

I am having a Mean Girl Moment. It happens....oh, say....once a month...when, for some reason, something trivial sets me off. This time around, it's the lurking demon on everyone's bookmark bar...Facebook. Facebook is a wondrously evil invention of my generation, for it allows you to share every meaningless detail of your present while simultaneously making it next to impossible to truly escape your past.

How many Facebook "friends" do you have? I have 620. I just looked it up because, of course, I'm logged on at the moment. 620? Can this really be necessary? The sad thing is that my 620 seems modest compared to some users. If you ask me, this whole social networking thing is getting out of control.

Do we really need to make our friendship "Facebook official" if I met you once at a party 2 years ago and we have 7 friends in common? Sure. Where's the harm in that? My family? Of course, because how would they ever know what's going on with my life without reading it online? What?I'm supposed to pick up my phone and call them? No texting? Unheard of. But here's where it gets tricky; what about the family/friends of your significant other? Okay, it's a nice medium to share photos and stay in touch, but what happens when Josh and I are having a rough patch and I use this lovely little blog to vent about it? The ever informative Facebook links to this blog...it could get dangerous.

All of this rambling leads to this; my current Facebook-fueled issue comes in the form of a girl from Joshua's past. The situation is irrelevant at this time but it is sufficient to say there is a fair amount of bitterness attached to this chick, from all persons involved. (Of course it's mainly coming from me...didn't you read the title?!)

The issue is that after he ended contact with her, by my request, which I have mixed emotions on to this day; she started commenting on his page excessively. Very passive-aggressive. I'm not trying to paint the picture of a stalker a la Glen Close in Fatal Attraction, but just enough to be obnoxious to me and cause a few completely unnecessary argument between the two of us. He asked her to stop more than once, and she apparently couldn't handle the request.

Neither he nor I are "friends" with her anymore but we do have friends in common. So now every time I "comment" on one of their pages, she posts directly after me, without fail. Silly, right? Now, I fully admit I am beyond ridiculous for dedicating an entire post to this. Could I be over exaggerating the situation due to a hormonally enhanced protectiveness over my Joshua? It's probable. I have no illusions of my sanity at the moment. I just thought it better to channel my snarkiness into a post instead of unloading it all onto Josh's shoulders, who at the moment, is kind of being the perfect boyfriend. I love him mucho. I'm over the bitterness. I hate that this petty emotion has crept its way into my relationship and bred resentment between the two of us. Freakin' Facebook.

So, again, for the cheap seats; I am ridiculous. Facebook is ridiculous. And to this chick, may she ever stumble upon this ridiculous little post; it's enough already.

And in the momentarily hilarious words of Charlie Sheen;

"Sizzle! Losing! Bye!"

*Good Lord, I am ashamed of myself for this post. Anyone have a similar ridiculous annoyance to complain about and make me feel like less of a teenager?

xoxo,

V

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Songs:

"Misery Business" Paramore

Loose Lips Sink Ships

Shhhh......

Things I would never say out loud but for some reason feel the need to send out into cyberspace:

-I miss being single. I LOVE my boyfriend. He is my forever friend and I can't imagine my life without him, but I miss going out with my girls, flirting shamelessly, not having to pay for drinks, and sleeping diagonally across my bed. I was starting to be comfortable alone. I like being able to feel in control and not dependent upon a man for the safety of my heart.

-My relationship is getting serious and I am freaking out. He thinks I'm a flight risk, but the truth is, I'm just scared of failing. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.

-I still think about my ex. I worry how he's doing, if he's happy, how his family is doing, if his mother is back to where she was before the accident, if he thinks of me...

-I miss my best friend, my partner in crime. I used to think nothing would ever tear us apart. I didn't take into account that drifting apart would hurt just as much. We are strangers to each other now. I'm so glad she has grown up and found love but sometimes, I long for the days of punk rock, cars with no air-conditioning, way too many calories, and fits of laughter for no reason.

-My health is starting to genuinely scare me. I play it off like it's no big deal, but I don't like that my headaches are getting worse and no one can tell me why. I think the neurologist was disappointed that they didn't find a tumor on my MRI, and that kind of freaks me out. I've had perfect vision my entire life and right now, the black writing on my screen is blurring. Contrast is not my friend.

-Biological clocks are no joke. My get-married-now-and-make-babies complex is setting in hardcore. I'm trying desperately to stay grounded and make decisions that I will be happy with in the long run. Being with someone like Josh doesn't make this any easier. I'm fairly certain he will always give me what I want because he wants me to be happy, even if it's not what he wants.

-Being in school is getting tiresome. Sometimes, I wish I could live on Wisteria Lane and cook and clean and raise children all while maintaining a perfect figure. Desperate Housewives is a ridiculous television program, but I wish it was my life. (see above)

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Songs:
"Secret" The Pierces
"Airplanes" B.O.B. featuring Hayley Williams

A question for you

How much stock do you put in dreams?

I used to think they mean something, now I'm not so sure. It's not that I've changed my mind so much as I'm hoping now that they are meaningless. I used to have a relatively good report with my dreams. Good or bad, I would remember them for the first few moments upon waking, and consequently recall them less as less as the day went on. I would assume most people share this experience. Lately, my subconscious and I must be on the outs or something, because I've been having dreams almost nightly, usually with a similar theme or cast of characters, and they stick with me throughout the day. Lame.

These silly dreams are confusing me. The constant appearance of a certain someone from my past usually leaves me with a mild heartache all day. I have woken to the wetness of tears forming in the corners of my sleeping eyes on more than once occasion this past week...what's up with that?

I'm doing the 'happy' thing right now. I left the job which was slowly sucking the soul out of me for one I am equally talented at and leaves me fulfilled each day. I am financially sound and being semi-responsible with money for the first time since I learned that I could withdraw the babysitting money out of my savings account when I was 13. I have a man who loves me, near as I can tell, and has been really sweet to me, even when I haven't deserved it. Oh, and I have a puppy, a really freakin' cute one! Happy all around, right?

So, what is the deal with this dream-induced melancholy I'm battling today? I'm having a moment. Okay, I'm having several moments. I've been reading about dreams, and most theorists and psychiatrists tend to assert that dreams are the work of one's subconscious. A recent study showed that dreams are mostly the results of recent experiences. Well, my dreams aren't paying much attention to that study, apparently. My unconscious mind is seemingly anchored in the past, and I'd really just like to move the hell on and make with the happy!

So...assuming Freud is right and there's something to this whole subconscious thing...I have a message for mine;

Shhhh!

Sweet Dreams,

V

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Songs:

"Been Too Long" & "Slow Me Down" Emmy Rossum

Dude, Don't get a Dell.

Remember the "Dude, you're getting a Dell" guy?

So here's my complaint of the moment: My effing computer crashed! The one I bought in DECEMBER! The one I defragment every single week, without fail, constantly update my spyware and anti-virus protection, and allllways power down the way I'm supposed to! Ugh.

All of the sudden I'm getting this unintelligible error code followed by a "No bootable devices" message. "Press F1 to reboot". What? I thought there were no bootable devices? How can I reboot something that isn't booting in the first place? Oy vey. After thirty plus minutes on hold after calling the Dell 24/7 helpline, spending twenty minutes on the phone with someone in India, we (the guy on the phone & I) decided that I need a new harddrive. Flippin' sweet. Send it on over. Have I been backing up my files? Noooo. Do I wish I bought a Mac? Yesssss.

Press F1 to reboot? Press F2 to kiss my @$$, Dell. A word of advice, if you decide to buy a Dell, do yourself a favor and buy the extended warranty, folks. Odds are, you're gonna need it!

Here's hoping your week is going better than mine!

xoxo,

V

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Songs:

"Bad Day" from Alvin and the Chipmunks (you know this makes you smile, too!)

"I Hate Everything about You" Three Days Grace