Thursday, August 5, 2010

Loose Lips Sink Ships


Things I would never say out loud but for some reason feel the need to send out into cyberspace:

-I miss being single. I LOVE my boyfriend. He is my forever friend and I can't imagine my life without him, but I miss going out with my girls, flirting shamelessly, not having to pay for drinks, and sleeping diagonally across my bed. I was starting to be comfortable alone. I like being able to feel in control and not dependent upon a man for the safety of my heart.

-My relationship is getting serious and I am freaking out. He thinks I'm a flight risk, but the truth is, I'm just scared of failing. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.

-I still think about my ex. I worry how he's doing, if he's happy, how his family is doing, if his mother is back to where she was before the accident, if he thinks of me...

I miss my best friend, my partner in crime. I used to think nothing would ever tear us apart. I didn't take into account that drifting apart would hurt just as much. We are strangers to each other now. I'm so glad she has grown up and found love but sometimes, I long for the days of punk rock, cars with no air-conditioning, way too many calories, and fits of laughter for no reason.

-My health is starting to genuinely scare me. I play it off like it's no big deal, but I don't like that my headaches are getting worse and no one can tell me why. I think the neurologist was disappointed that they didn't find a tumor on my MRI, and that kind of freaks me out. I've had perfect vision my entire life and right now, the black writing on my screen is blurring. Contrast is not my friend.

-Biological clocks are no joke. My get-married-now-and-make-babies complex is setting in hardcore. I'm trying desperately to stay grounded and make decisions that I will be happy with in the long run. Being with someone like Josh doesn't make this any easier. I'm fairly certain he will always give me what I want because he wants me to be happy, even if it's not what he wants.

-Being in school is getting tiresome. Sometimes, I wish I could live on Wisteria Lane and cook and clean and raise children all while maintaining a perfect figure. Desperate Housewives is a ridiculous television program, but I wish it was my life. (see above)

"Secret" The Pierces
"Airplanes" B.O.B. featuring Hayley Williams


Shannon said...

Hi V!

Props on gratitude for what you have! Don't let yourself regret where you are!

You are an amazing person, with so much to offer!

Continue to keep me posted, and let me know if there is anything you need! (I don't drink alcohol, but have been known to girls night on occassion! I might even buy you a drink!)


Vanessa said...

Thank you so much! I can always count on you, Shannon, for encouragement!

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