Wednesday, June 30, 2010

So, Yo Gabba Gabba really freaks me out...

This morning I am not in the best of moods. There are several reasons for this;
  • Running off of approx. 4 hours of sleep (for several nights in a row)
  • There is ground coffee here, but no coffee maker. I totally just put a filter in my cup and poured hot water over it. Result: weakest cup of coffee ever. Caffeine should come in the form of an I.V.
  • The THREE year old I nanny hasn't even begun potty-training
  • Last night, I picked a fight with Josh for no reason. He didn't really do anything to deserve it, except for being within a 10 ft. radius of me & my crazy.
  • Allergies
  • Weezer is singing a song called "All My Friends Are Insects" on the television right bug costumes.
Okay. Time to de-stress. It's almost my favorite time of the day...naptime! The kiddo is finishing her lunch right now, then it's TV off, diaper change, baby monitor on, BREAK TIME!

Hope your Wednesday is off to a better start than mine!


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

One Love

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end.

Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

Tuesday Tunes

"Love is a FRIENDSHIP set to MUSIC"
-Joseph Campbell

"Wonderwall" Ryan Adams
"Little Bit" Lykke Li ft. Drake
"Shelter" Ray LaMontagne

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Patience is a virtue...[babble before breakfast]

Patience is not something that is traditionally valued in our culture. Mine is the instant gratification generation. We want the best, and we want it now. I can Tivo my favorite television programs if I don't feel like waiting through the commercials, and if I don't feel like waiting until I get home, I can always watch it on Hulu.

I am not a patient person. As horrible as it sounds, if something doesn't come easily to me, I don't usually stick with it. In my life growing up, I thought I was hard-working. I now know this to be false. The things I devoted my time to, are the things I have always been naturally gifted in, and in which I have had to put forth minimal effort to succeed. School was the easiest thing ever for me with the exception of mathematics, a subject I always ended up sliding by in, usually by winning the teacher over with my dazzling personality and/or flirting with the cute(ish), smart guy sitting next to me and having him "help" me.

Music has been one of the most influential forces in my life since before I can remember, but I know that I've never had to work very hard, or at all, to be successful. Everything I wanted, I got. Everything I tried out for, I made. I sometimes can't believe I had the nerve to audition for All State (choir) by basically sight-reading the music. I am very grateful for my talent and that that which I'm passionate about is an area I have natural ability in, but there's something to be said for work ethic. And patience.

I am impatient in relationships. I want people to be up front and honest, and to stick to their word, 'final answer?' style. I don't have the time for character flaws, or to deal with my own. I want to know the past, present, and plans for the future, so I can make a timely decision on whether the relationship is worth pursuing or devoting energy and emotion to. It sounds cold, but I assure you, I'm not. This might be the only calculating, "rational" thought process I employ, as most of my actions are based in emotion, not logic. I think this pro and con list approach is my defense mechanism of choice; needing to see a situation from every single possible angle so I am never fully surprised or disappointed at any given outcome. Healthy? Perhaps not. But it works, for the most part.

So, here's what I'm learning, folks:
Patience is good.

Waiting is good for me, it breeds character. It's healthy to not always get what I want, when and how I want it. Sometimes, what I think I want, I am not ready for. God is a much better judge of my readiness, than I. In my most uncertain times, I learn the most.

Case in point: my current relationship. In the beginning, all he asked me for was time. Time for him to see things from my point of view, and for me to try and understand where he was coming from as well. We were raised in the same city, but in two entirely different worlds. We are so not two peas, but the really great thing, is that we're getting there. This morning, we had an extended conversation about a not so glorious story from my past. Instead of hearing my words and making up a version of the story in his mind, with his spin on it, he listened to me. It really helped put a lot of things in perspective for us. There was an issue in the beginning of our relationship that feels very resolved now, and I am more confident now now than ever, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Long story even longer, sometimes when I am patient, even begrudgingly, I get what I truly want, just not in the way I thought it would turn out.

Did that seem a little ambiguous and confusing? I'm sorry if it did, but I would like to respect his privacy (kinda), and quite honestly, I think I'm going to be done typing now and go great ready to have a little brunch with my man. Just know that I'm happy, he's happy, and Penny the puggle is cuter than ever.

That's all for now, friends. Have a great Sunday, be blessed!

"Patience" Guns n Roses
"Right Here Waiting" Staind

See? Sometimes if we are PATIENT we get something even better than what we originally had in mind =)

Oh, The Temptation from Steve V on Vimeo.

photo: Just a shadow on the wall, thought it was cool, posted it to Blogger. That's all.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Happy Summer Solstice!

Today is the longest day of the year...and Lincoln, Nebraska, has spent most of it in a thunderstorm. The sun is finally peeking it's way through the clouds after a morning of dreary, soppiness. I absolutely love warm weather, and am so looking forward to Summer 2010!

On the to-do list this summer...
  • Lazy days in the park with Penny
  • New Connect Group (bible study)
  • Tampa (!) with Joshua for the 4th of July
  • Move into new apartment!
  • $ave for new car...Tauri has seen better days, folks.
  • Puppy training classes for Penny
  • Go to the Nebraska State Fair [hello! Lifehouse, Josh Turner, Phil Vassar]
  • Take lots & lots of photos, remember everything!
Summer is here!
What are your plans?

"Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer" Nat "King" Cole
"Summertime" Ella Fitzgerald/Louis Armstrong
"Summer Breeze" Jason Mraz (Seals and Crofts cover)
"This Afternoon" Nickelback

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Puppies have daddies, too...

Haha, I love this picture and I couldn't resist. These are two of my favorite creatures on the planet. I love my sweet girl Penny and her favorite puggle-snuggler!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

I have no words.

Just a heart overflowing and a song in my head.
"When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears
It was easy to see you'd been crying
Seems like everywhere you turn, catastrophe it reigns
But who really profits from the dying
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever

When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions
My worried mind that you quiet
Place your hands on my face
Close my eyes and say
That love is a poor man's food
Don't prophesize
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever

So now we see how it is
This fist begets the spear
Weapons of war
Symptoms of madness
Don't let your eyes refuse to see
Don't let your ears refuse to hear
Or you ain't never going to shake this sense of sadness
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold on forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold on forever"

More Ray LaMontagne music on iLike

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Silly Songs for your Saturday

I constantly have random songs playing in my head. I've often referred to my brain as an ipod on shuffle. I have no idea where they come from, but I try not to question it. Here are a few extremely random earworms I've been haunted by this week, enjoy!

"Major Tom" -Peter Schilling
"We Didn't Start the Fire" -Billy Joel
"They're Coming To Take Me Away" -Dr. Demento
"Tarzan and Jane" -Aqua (Toy Box)

Hurray for the WEEKEND! I'm going to meet Josh's father's family tonight...wish me luck!



Friday, June 11, 2010

sweet summertime

I love being a nanny.
"Little Wonders" Rob Thomas

Photo Finish Friday: Penny's first bath!

Penny had her first bath this week! She was very hard to capture on camera, but I did my best!

She was not a huge fan of the water

This is my favorite, so hilarious!

My little escape artist

I hope everyone had a great week! I must say, the way things are going right now...I love my life! TGIF =)


"Splish Splash" Bobby Darin

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

How stressed are you?

Lately, I have become increasingly obsessed with taking personality profile tests online. I get bored on my nanny days during nap-time. I found a super quick one this morning and it's pretty interesting. Basically, look at the pictures (below). The slower they move, the less stressed you are, or the better you are at handling stress. Children and the elderly usually see them as motionless, while alleged criminals see them spinning furiously.

I wouldn't say spinning furiously...but the first one kinda made me dizzy.
Orange jumpsuits, anyone?

Take care!
"Crazy" Gnarls Barkley
"Spin" Lifehouse

Thursday, June 3, 2010

[in love] & WAR.

You are a ghost-
Lingering but not present.
I can see, but I can't feel you.

There's an emptiness in your eyes,
So what of your soul?
It worries me.

What troubles you, love?
Say the word and I will be at the ready,
weapon in hand.
I would fight unto forever for you.

Have you fallen into a waking slumber?
Eyes open, but heart closed?
Who holds the key?

Oh, but there are moments, love.
Wonderful moments filled with sun,
when the light returns to your face.
Your eyes shine like diamonds of ocean-blue,
and I can see my smile in them, mirroring your own.

What is it that you desire?
Show me the longing of your heart,
and I will take on any foe to give it to you.

We're in a battle, you and I.
But I know nothing of the prize,
nor what consequences may befall should we fail.

In the end,
If love makes fools of us all;
I want to say it was worth it,
and count you, always, as my friend.

"Battle" Colbie Callait [listen to the LYRICS!]

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A question for you

How much stock do you put in dreams?

I used to think they mean something, now I'm not so sure. It's not that I've changed my mind so much as I'm hoping now that they are meaningless. I used to have a relatively good report with my dreams. Good or bad, I would remember them for the first few moments upon waking, and consequently recall them less as less as the day went on. I would assume most people share this experience. Lately, my subconscious and I must be on the outs or something, because I've been having dreams almost nightly, usually with a similar theme or cast of characters, and they stick with me throughout the day. Lame.

These silly dreams are confusing me. The constant appearance of a certain someone from my past usually leaves me with a mild heartache all day. I have woken to the wetness of tears forming in the corners of my sleeping eyes on more than once occasion this past week...what's up with that?

I'm doing the 'happy' thing right now. I left the job which was slowly sucking the soul out of me for one I am equally talented at and leaves me fulfilled each day. I am financially sound and being semi-responsible with money for the first time since I learned that I could withdraw the babysitting money out of my savings account when I was 13. I have a man who loves me, near as I can tell, and has been really sweet to me, even when I haven't deserved it. Oh, and I have a puppy, a really freakin' cute one! Happy all around, right?

So, what is the deal with this dream-induced melancholy I'm battling today? I'm having a moment. Okay, I'm having several moments. I've been reading about dreams, and most theorists and psychiatrists tend to assert that dreams are the work of one's subconscious. A recent study showed that dreams are mostly the results of recent experiences. Well, my dreams aren't paying much attention to that study, apparently. My unconscious mind is seemingly anchored in the past, and I'd really just like to move the hell on and make with the happy!

So...assuming Freud is right and there's something to this whole subconscious thing...I have a message for mine;


Sweet Dreams,
"Been Too Long" & "Slow Me Down" Emmy Rossum

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