Follow [my boyfriend's blog] Friday!

Oh hey, guess what?

Josh...has a blog. He just started writing it, so far I'm pretty sure he has just transferred some poems he's written recently onto it. But if you want to take a little peek into the mind of the man I love...peek here. It's called Friends, Lovers, or Nothing. I told you he was a John Mayer fan!

p.s. look how handsome he is in his glasses =-)

Mr. Sandman, I have a bone to pick with you...

I have been having the weirdest dreams lately, and none of them have been good ones.

They started out as dreams of my boyfriend cheating on me, which is semi-normal for me because I have trust issues, whatev, don't we all? But my dream last night has been bothering me all morning. I dreamt of my ex. I guess that's all he is now, is my ex. I used to consider him one of my closest friends, but it has been made exceedingly clear to me, that is no longer the case - maybe it never was.

Last time we spoke, the ex told me he was going off to Basic Military Training at the end of this month, so I guess I understand why he's been entering my mind so often of late. But let me tell you, it is super annoying! There have been a couple times this week alone when I almost called Josh by the wrong name, usually when I was annoyed or upset...go figure.

So, anyways, this dream. It took place in my church. He was there and gigantically tall. I mean, he's a tall guy, but in my dream he was massive. At first he was cold, no surprises there, but before he left he grabbed my hand with tears in his eyes. I wish I could remember what was said, but I can't. I just remember telling him how proud of him I am.

I guess that's it, then. I'm proud of him. For the man he is, and for the man he is working so hard to become. He's in a stable relationship (seemingly, I don't really know the details), which is something that eluded him (and certainly us) in the past. He is going after his goals with determination I always knew he had in him, and my only regret is that we have lost contact and I am not able to adequately praise and support him on his journey. I have learned a lot over the past few years, but perhaps the most important thing is this;

I love permanently.

I am incapable of temporary, conditional love. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not in love with everyone I have dated in the past, and I am definitely not the picture of perfection and love in the eyes of all of my exes. Absolutely not. I do, however, have a lot of love in my heart for this man who made up such a big part of my life for so long, and I have no doubt that I always will. If he ever needs an ear or a shoulder, he has a spot on mine. When we love, we give a little piece of ourselves to our beloved and take a little piece in return. When I was a little girl I was warned about this by my parents, Sunday school teachers, and pastors, as if giving a little piece of your heart away makes you incomplete.

In my experience, I have found this to be false. God is good. He loves me, and will never leave me feeling empty or incomplete, unless I push him away and try to fill my life with the pleasures and trappings of this world. I have made many mistakes in the past, in my own life, and in relationships. I have learned from them, tenfold. I am so blessed to have Joshua in my life, he teaches me of God's unconditional, agape love for me, daily. He has been in my life for over ten years, and has seen me at my worst. Actually, he was the person I knew I could always call, and has given me an ear or a shoulder on several occasions, even when he had feelings for me that I was too wrapped up in myself to reciprocate. He is the friend I strive to be. He encourages me to grow in my faith, and to forgive the hurt in my past, and myself for my part in it. He loves me...permanently. Maybe that's why we work.

Getting back to my original topic, my dreams. Does anybody feel like interpreting them for me? If you know me at all, you know that I psycho-analyze and over-analyze pretty darn near everything, so you can imagine my frustration in trying to make sense of my silly subconscious. Here's what I've gathered thus far; I have trust issues, I still love my ex (in my own dysfunctional-functional way), and I have got to start letting things go. Oh well, I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[Psalm 139:14] The rest will work itself out.

I hope everyone is having a great first week of spring, enjoy the sunny weather, and I wish you all sweet dreams!

xoxo,

V

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Songs:

"Your Ex-Lover is Dead" Stars

"Unstoppable" Rascall Flatts

Wordless Wednesday

I am so glad spring is officially [finally] here!

The snow is melting and the sunshine is slowly returning after months of dreariness and weeks of rain.

Yippee!

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Songs:

"Here comes the Sun" The Beatles

"Brighter than Sunshine" Aqualung

Fill in the Blank Fun!

Julia over at The World is My Oyster is one of my favorite bloggers, if you don't follow her blog...start! I saw this fun little activity and just had to join in!

1. The best day ever was the day I spent on the beach in S. Padre with my best friend and family. The beach house was our little piece of heaven!

2. My favorite meal of the day is lunch because I usually share it with my honey! If you need a weight-loss tip, hang out with my human garbage disposal of a boyfriend, you'll never finish a meal again! =)

3. This weekend will be spent at work instead of basking in the sun. BOO!

4. Never in my life have I been issued a speeding ticket.

5. The only thing better than Josh's smile is his laugh.

6. I could really do with some fresh air and SUNLIGHT! These florescent lights and cubicle walls are killing me!

7. The most recent thing I bought myself was a new handbag. Giant, Black, Coach, Fabulous!

p-p-p-p-poker face

I am becoming such a hermit.

Last night I challenged Josh to a game of cards. We played war, 21, and slap jack. Yup, slap jack. I won. 2-3. I'm really diggin' this cozy, comfy, relationship thing.

That's all I've got for ya tonight, folks. How was YOUR day? =)

-V

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Songs:

"Home" Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

A toast to the host of men we boast...

Best of luck to you, Airman.

You'll always have a friend in me.

-V

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Songs:

"I Wish You Love" Lisa Ono

"My Wish" Rascall Flatts

"Orinthology" Charlie Parker

Photo Finish Friday

This week has been the week of John Mayer. Months ago, Joshua bought 4 tickets to his concert, and has been eagerly awaiting it ever since. One night this week, we were pulling up to Josh's apartment & he started playing me "Good Love is on the Way" by Mr. Mayer. After we parked I reached for the door handle and he stopped me. He asked me to listen to the song and told me he used to think of me when he would listen to it while he was in the service. I looked at him and asked, "You really mean it when you say cheesy stuff like that, don't ya?". He smiled. He really does.

Last night my sister & I went to the concert with Josh & his buddy from the Navy. Now, I'll be honest...I've never been much of a Mayer fan, but I think some artists are simply meant to be heard live. The man is a very literate musician, much of his music is based on textbook jazz chord changes and riffs, very easy on the ears. Katie & I had a blast and Josh & I slow danced to "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" and annoyed all of the people around us with cheesy lovey dovey-ness. It was fabulous.

Here are a few pics from the concert....enjoy!

My little sis is the cutest thing ever, right?

After this pic, I decided it's time for a spray-tan. UV free is the way to be!

He's my best friend & the other "Half of my Heart"

;-)

Look how excited Joshua was!

He lives for John Mayer =)

Have a great weekend everybody!

-V

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Songs:

"Good Love is on the Way" John Mayer

"Half of my Heart" John Mayer feat. Taylor Swift (from his new album, Battle Studies)

"Friends, Lovers, or Nothing" John Mayer (also from Battles Studies)

Dude, Don't get a Dell.

Remember the "Dude, you're getting a Dell" guy?

So here's my complaint of the moment: My effing computer crashed! The one I bought in DECEMBER! The one I defragment every single week, without fail, constantly update my spyware and anti-virus protection, and allllways power down the way I'm supposed to! Ugh.

All of the sudden I'm getting this unintelligible error code followed by a "No bootable devices" message. "Press F1 to reboot". What? I thought there were no bootable devices? How can I reboot something that isn't booting in the first place? Oy vey. After thirty plus minutes on hold after calling the Dell 24/7 helpline, spending twenty minutes on the phone with someone in India, we (the guy on the phone & I) decided that I need a new harddrive. Flippin' sweet. Send it on over. Have I been backing up my files? Noooo. Do I wish I bought a Mac? Yesssss.

Press F1 to reboot? Press F2 to kiss my @$$, Dell. A word of advice, if you decide to buy a Dell, do yourself a favor and buy the extended warranty, folks. Odds are, you're gonna need it!

Here's hoping your week is going better than mine!

xoxo,

V

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Songs:

"Bad Day" from Alvin and the Chipmunks (you know this makes you smile, too!)

"I Hate Everything about You" Three Days Grace