Monday, November 16, 2009

A Thought on Dating: Why "Nice Guys" Finish Last.

Well, that was fast.

I'm sick of dating already. Too much game playing and drama, not enough that's real.

Over the past few weeks I have introduced a couple new characters into my life, both falling under the category of the elusive, "Nice Guy". Nice Guy #1 is a friend of my good friend's boyfriend. (Tracking with me?) They're one of those sickeningly happy couples who are still in the PDA, lovey-dovey, constantly-making-googly-eyes-at-each-other phase. Wanna know the crazy thing? I think they're actually going to make it. Usually I just roll my eyes and wait for reality to set in, but in this case, I think they're genuinely in love. Shocking, I know, but I digress.

So, my blissfully happy friends have been trying to set me up with Nice Guy #1 for awhile now; I've been single for long enough to get sick of being the odd person out, and well, he's just such a nice guy. While he's not exactly my "type" (if I have one), I figured I'd give it a shot. The next time we all went out for drinks, I let him buy me a gin and tonic and spent some time exchanging jokes and smiles. It was harmless enough, a little flirting, some shameless karaoke; good times had by all. He even asked for my number in a somewhat cheesy but cute way; "I'd be a fool if I didn't get your number..." Laugh if you will, but it worked, okay?

The next day I was feeling fairly optimistic, even more so when I received a phone call from him inviting me to a movie the following evening. I took this as a good sign because in my age bracket, it seems most men think it's okay to just send a text to ask me out for the first time [it's NOT]. So, after the ceremonial trying on of the contents of my closet and the hair up vs. down debate, I met this man for a movie. He barely greeted me. Okay, whatever, he was nervous, and he had arrived early and had a ticket waiting for me, so that was sweet. The situation didn't really improve from there, however. We sat semi-awkwardly next to each other during the movie and every once in awhile I would shoot a smile or a glance his way, only to find him staring at the screen with an uncomfortable look on his face. He was all fidget-y and just....well, weird. The kicker? After the movie, he didn't walk me to my car, he just gave me a strange side-hug, and left. Now, that's not very nice, is it? The movie was good, though.

Call me judgemental, but I was ready to write him off after that. There was clearly a lack of chemistry, or confidence, or something. I have discovered a new sub-division of the Nice Guy: Liquid Courage Man. The Liquid Courage Man is a nice guy who is lacking in self-confidence from years of rejection and can be witty, charming and outgoing, but only with a drink in hand. Very misleading. After a conversation with my friend Adam, in which he (lovingly) told me I was being a bitch, I decided to give him another chance. Guys get nervous, first dates can be awkward, and after all, he's such a nice guy, right?

Take 2: we met for drinks. Admittedly, not the best of ideas, but I figured I'd get him in his natural habitat and go from there. My goal was to make him feel comfortable and to see which personality was real. Unfortunately, my little experiment yielded similar results. I watched this "Nice Guy" transform from shy and quiet, into funny and confident in front of my eyes, drink by drink. The night started out with a supreme lack of eye contact, and ended with him trying (unsuccessfully) to take me home with him. Liquid Courage Man strikes again.

So what have we learned? The jury is still out on that one, but I have come to a [only semi-serious] conclusion. All of my guy friends are absolutely right. Girls do go for guys that are jerks. Wanna know why? Nice Guys can be misleading. They always leave you waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Dr. Jekyll to become Mr. Hyde. Bad Guys are predictable, in that you can always count on them to let you down. I guess in their inability to be dependable, they're actually kind of dependable. Confused yet? I know I am.


Yes, Nice Guy #1 refers to the fact that there is a Nice Guy #2. I'll tell you about him soon, I promise. Things are looking good [kinda]. =)
"Another One Bites the Dust" Queen
"Nice Guys Finish Last" Cobra Starship

photo: from Tune Remedy


Tara said...

I definitely don't think you were being judgemental. I wouldn't have wanted a second date either.

OmegaRadium said...

Wow...I'm not sure what to tell you, but being a "nice guy" I'm glad to finally know the truth, at least from 1 woman's perspective. :)

alejandro galaviz said...

Being a Nice Guy myself, if I didn't get that second chance after an awkward first date with my Jordan, I wouldn't have found the love of my life. ;)

I think women just like to be treated like crap, regardless of what anyone thinks. Just not my cup of tea. Great read though!


Kym said...

oh gosh... there's first date awkwardness and theres just awkwardness period. can't wait to hear about nice guy #2 though!

Vanessa said...

Let me clarify this, I'm not into being treated like dirt. (Sorry, Alejandro). =) I just want to meet a guy who's genuine & who doesn't have to get tipsy to be fun! Is that such a tall order?

Haha it's all in the game, folks. Thanks for the comments! Love 'em!

Lance Lash said...

Now now now, please don't judge ALL nice guys with this one experiments. In being one myself i can tell you that i and many of my friends (who are all also nice guys) do NOT pull the Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde routine. I confess that alcohol DOES tend to give me a little liquid courage, but not in the extreme that your nice guy did. If i genuinely like a girl and feel comfortable I'll flirt with them the second i meet them. The only time i REALLY need liquid courage is if the girl is extremely pretty and i feel she's out of my league. But once i get to flirting (even if i sober up) i don't stop. ;)

I think I've forgotten where i was going with this comment. I guess just, don't categorize ALL nice guys with this twat. We all are different people with different ways of handling situations. <3

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