Tuesday, January 12, 2010

the W A I T I N G game.

I loathe the waiting game. I don't like waiting for people in traffic, in relationships, and certainly not waiting until February to figure out a potentially harmful medical issue. Waiting is LAME. I usually figure out what it is that I want fairly quickly, at least when it comes to relationships and love. I either want to be with someone, or I don't, and that's that. No messing around, no games, either stick with it or cut ties and move on.

This week I feel like the little girl in the picture, I'm sick of waiting and downright grumpy! Lately, it seems that my life is full of waiting. I have to wait to find out what's going on with me health-wise, I'm waiting for the man I'm seeing (J.) to figure out what he wants out of life right now. Now, that last one is a very long, ridiculous story but I'll give you the bullet points. J. loves me, always has, always will. I reciprocate those sentiments. I always thought this whole building a relationship out of a friendship thing would be relatively easy. Wrong. It's especially not easy when someone you have counted on for 10 years picks this to be the week of all weeks he lies to you. Not just a little lie, either. A big, fat, heart-stomping, trust-breaking lie. Ugh. But what am I supposed to do? Throw away 10 years of history? Who am I to judge? I'm no saint. I told J. my theory of the week on giving chances in relationships;

Once is a mistake, Twice is a red flag, Three is a pattern, Three strikes, you're out!

I'm stressed and absent-minded. My distractedness is manifesting itself mostly with the constant misplacing of my car keys. Last week alone, I locked them in my car (!!), lost them in the couch for two hours, and walked around the house looking for them only to discover that I was carrying them in my purse all the while. Oh, and you'll love this one, I left my car door open last Tuesday night. As in, the driver's side door WIDE OPEN all night! With my debit card sitting in the cupholder! Debit cards don't belong in cupholders! Luckily, no one stole it and my battery didn't die on me, so even in my state of temporary insanity, I am still blessed by grace.

Time for some perspective. We all have bad weeks, some of us have bad months! It's important for me to not let myself be overrun with negativity. It's easy to take the easy road, and hard to take the hard road. Negativity is easy, playing the victim is easy, blaming others is easy. Life is a constrant string of successes and failures, it's which of these you focus on that determines your happiness. I choose to focus on the good. I have accomplished a lot over the past year, battled a few demons I had let control my life for far too long. I am proud, and filled with hope for the coming year. 2010 has already thrown me a few curve balls, but I know that He will not give me more than I can handle. Bring it on!

"Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience"
-Author Unknown

"Tangled Up in You" Staind [because he plays this for me on his guitar...]
"Apologize" OneRepublic [because I'm still trying to be mad]

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