Confessions of a Talk-aholic

I'm starting a new segment on my blog.

In an effort to be ever mindful of those around me, and how they bless my life, I want to write letters to the people I love, and I'd love to read yours, too! I think it's important that we don't take things for granted, and for me, writing it out is a good way for me to do just that. So, send me your love letters! They could be to your significant other, pet, mom, or your favorite brand of cereal (no judgement). Let's show some love, people!

Joshua Michael,

You amaze me.

I'm learning more about you each day and I wake up every morning excited for what the day will bring for us. I love growing in knowledge of each other and in our faith together. Something I've known for a long time, but am only truly learning recently is that you are a man of few words for a reason. Your "yes" is yes, your "no" is no. You tell me what is on your mind by the way you live your life, your character speaks for you, in actions, not words.

I'm afraid, my dear, I talk too much. I think sometimes I hide behind my words, analyzing a situation from every conceivable angle. I plan and plot and debate all of the possible actions I could take and the outcomes which would result from each option, instead of making a decision introspectively and moving forward.

You walk the walk, and sometimes, Babe, I just talk a lot.

I am so thankful for your patience, you allow me my verbal indulgences. You sit quietly and let me to it, even if sometimes I can tell you're only waiting for me to pause for a breath. You never interrupt me, no matter the level of crazy at which I'm rambling. And when you respond, it is well thought out, and wise. You really have a way of putting me in my place, Love. At times it's frustrating, even when I know you're right, but most of the time, I am incredibly and wonderfully humbled. With one calm observation, you can unravel countless minutes of my carefully crafted theories of disaster. With a knowing smile, my panic is dissolved and I catch myself smiling along, caught in the realization of my delusion.

Thank you for being the yin to my yang, the calm to my storm, and the best friend I have ever had.

I love you,

Vanessa

-----------------------------

Songs:

"Maybe I'm Amazed" Paul McCartney

Today I will...

• Be on time to church
• Make it through my entire shift at work without complaining about a respondent
• Organize the closet, bring out the spring wardrobe!
• Balance my checkbook
• Sing
• Cook something I've never attempted before
• Steal a thousand or so kisses from my man
• Be ever mindful of the many blessings I encounter daily
• Have a great day!

-V

-----------------------------------------------

prompt via Writing Prompts

Raindrops

We've been having some crazy weather lately, always puts me in a sentimental mood =)

I snapped this photo on my way home from work

Morning, love.

I thought of you last night.

As I listened to the rain fall, tiny pindrops on the roof,

I drifted in and out of lazy sleep,

thoughts and memories of you

converging with fantasy and dreams of us.

I awoke to rolls of thunder,

but confused it for the deep pounding in my chest.

I realized then I need you next to me, now and always-

-to calm the storm of my soul

when dark clouds cast shadows of doubt.

When flashes of lightening threaten to ignite my foolish fears,

Take my hand and comfort me, shelter me in love.

Give to me the warmth of your smile

and the strength of your arms,

and I will shower you with kisses.

Stick with me through snow and hail,

and we will be blessed with years of sunshine.

Did you know,

It is so much more than my hand that you hold?

When my head is cradled in your arms,

my face buried against your chest,

You hold my heart, my life, my light!

Take care- my joy, my sweet.

Though love can be strong as steel, hearts are made of glass

Breakable. Like ice, frozen with fearful memories,

Faith and patience alone can melt.

Fall for me, darling.

I will stand by you.

---------------------------------------

Songs:

"Better Life" Keith Urban

"She's My Kind of Rain" Tim McGraw

"Umbrella" Vanilla Sky

What kind of dog did Hamlet have? A melancholy...

Head in the future, heart in the past.

So, where does that leave me?

Ghosting my way through life.

Present, but barely.

Stress leads to

Fear

and Doubt,

to Regret.

Pressure builds,

steps become labored,

breathing, a chore.

Until all that is left are memories;

skin kissed by sunshine,

and warmer still, a smile.

Radiant and true.

I miss

the feeling of ivory beneath my fingertips,

a song in my heart,

fresh lyrics upon my lips,

the smooth glide of pen to paper,

the easy flow of thought to word.

I feel

complicated and pressured,

Wrong and wronged.

Scarred and not good enough,

tried and Tired.

No coffee's ever strong enough

to wake my soul from fearful sleep.

There's no escape; nightmarish scenes

play, like horror flicks on repeat, across my mind.

This,

The foe within, I can not conquer.

My heart's cry,

My waking dream,

My constant plea;

Give all.

Let go.

"Let be."

---------------------

Songs:

"Sleep, Don't Weep" Damien Rice

"Moving Pictures, Silent Films" Great Lake Swimmers

Wordless Wednesday

I love my boyfriend.

Helpful Safety Tip...

...drink lots of WATER when you take your pills.

I didn't, and now I'm paying for it. I had one pill to go from a bottle of antibiotics I was finishing last week, and realized mid-slumber that I had forgotten to take it. I woke up, took the pill with a gulp of water, and went back to bed. MISTAKE. Woke up the next morning and thought I was having a heart attack. I'm talking heartburn like I've never had before in my LIFE. So here we are, four days later, and every time I take a sip of water, eat anything, or breathe, it hurts. As in, make the tips of my fingers go numb, hurt. Yikes. Any tips for me? Doc has me taking Prilosec and just waiting it out, if it lasts longer than another week, I'm gonna have to go in to make sure I didn't do some damage to my esophagus. I swear, I injure myself in the most ridiculous ways.

Hope your week is going better than mine!

-V

----------------------------------

Songs:

"Fire Burning" Sean Kingston (get it? lol) =-)

Photo Finish Friday

Who wants to see some cheesy pics of Josh & I?

I know you do, admit it.

Someone snapped this at Josh's birthday celebration, part one =)

It was blurry, so I picnik'd it.

With lyrics from a Seal song.

Hoo-rah.

His first cup of coffee after going a whopping 40 days without!

(but I'm not supposed to tell you this because you're not supposed to publicize Lent, so this'll be our little secret, k?) Isn't he cute in the morning? Love.

My fav pic from Josh's "almost" birthday celebration a couple weeks ago.

I forgot to upload them until now. He's 24,

Happy Birthday, Baby!

Friend Like You

I like the way you're not afraid,

you've got the world planned in your mind.

People say you can not do it,

but they don't know

a friend like you.

The girl you love has gone away,

still too young to know her heart.

She'll return, her love renewed,

she'll never find

a friend like you.

When I had no one to call,

all the world had shut me out.

I showed up at your door, so blue

thank God I had

a friend like you.

Anytime I've gone without

a home, a meal, a pair of shoes,

if you had three, you'd give me two,

Ain't no other

friend like you.

-Joshua Radin

----------------------------------

Songs:

Do I really need to list them? Okay, if you insist:

"A Friend Like You" Joshua Radin

"Kissed from a Rose" Seal

[Duh]

xoxo,

V

Bring on the electroshock therapy!

Gotta love the Doctor's office.

Okay, so I'm not exactly going to have my brain zapped or anything...but I am having an EMG next Friday. They're just gonna hook me up and send some "painless" electric pulses up my left arm to see how the neurons in my brain deal with them. See, I've been having some weakness in my left arm and hand lately, and as my Doc said this morning; "That's weird." She was very reassuring, informing me that I didn't have a stroke, and I "probably" don't have M.S. At this point, we're going with a diagnosis of a pinched nerve, but because it's been going on since football season...better safe than sorry.

I have to admit, I was a little worried in the waiting room this morning. My aunt was recently diagnosed with M.S. and I have a cousin who has had strokes due to side effects of birth control. Also, doctor's offices in general just kinda freak me out. I pulled out my Bible and turned to my favorite verse, Joshua 1:9. I read the familiar story of Joshua and the Israelites, and how God provided for them and kept them safe, giving them courage and strength in the face of obstacles that are much more serious than anything I have ever experienced.

I am so blessed to live my life surrounded by people who love and support me, and to feel the warmth of God's love for me, daily. He does not want me to live my life in a cloud of fear and worry. He wants me to have peace and be calm, secure in the knowledge that I am well cared for.

Happy Wednesday, everybody! Only two more days till it's time to T.G.I.F!

-V

---------------------------------------------

Songs:

"The Element Song" Tom Lehrer

"Free Fallin" Tom Petty

When it rains...

...it POURS. Monsoon style.

So, my little sister got hit by a car yesterday. As in, she was walking on campus, crossing the street at a crosswalk, and got hit by a freakin' car! WTF? She's okay, by the way. No broken bones, just a very stiff neck and a bruised booty. But here's the kicker, the chick who decided to introduce her to the pavement, rolls down her window, makes sure she's not dead, and DRIVES AWAY. Did I mention she also hit a parked car after knocking my sister down? Who does that?

So, of course, my sis called my Dad, and then called me & I told her to call the police. A few minutes later, after the police had arrived, the crazy driver lady comes back! And instead of offering apologies, she proceeds to yell at my sister (the person she RAN OVER) for calling the cops! Um....duh! You don't get to run into a parked car...and a freakin' PERSON and then peace out and not have the cops called on you, so sorry. And furthermore, who yells at a pedestrian they just plowed over?!

Apparently is was the crazy driver lady's birthday and she was very upset at my sister for ruining it and trying to, "cause drama". Aha. Okay, then. Happy freakin' birthday lady, have fun with that karma. And maybe next time you go for a celebratory birthday drive downtown, easy on the crack, mmmk?

In other news, I just made a doctor's appointment for tomorrow, at my mother's bidding, to discuss some suspicious symptoms I've been having lately. Okay, for the past few months. Nothing too major, just some weakness in my left arm, headaches, blurred vision and muscle spasms. Y'know, normal, healthy 22 year old stuff. Ugh.

Josh is handling my latest installment of crazy extremely well. I do not deserve this man.

Mantra of the week:

"For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, of love, and a sound mind."

-2 Timothy 1:7

---------------------

Songs:

"We Are Okay" Joshua Radin

image credit

Just so you know, I'm watching Sesame Street right now...

So, I offered to do sub-care for my mother's in-home daycare today, friday and the following Monday. She is going out of town this weekend, and usually has the day after Easter off, but she wanted to offer care for the parents who have to go to work today. I am currently in the presence of 2 infants under 4 months, 2 toddlers under 2 years, and 1 "almost four an a half" year old. Pray for me.

Oh, and before she left, my mother announced; "I did have a dream last night that one of the kids fell down the stairs while you were watching them and died."

Thanks, Mom.

Happy Monday, everybody! Let's make it a great week!

-V

-------------------------------------------

Songs:

"Help" The Beatles

He is risen indeed!

He was pierced for our transgressions

He was crushed for our iniquities

The punishment that brought us peace was upon Him

& by His wounds we are healed.

-Isaiah 53:5

Happy Easter Sunday, everyone!

...Or as my co-worker interestingly put it, "Zombie Jesus Day". I have to admit, I chuckled, but let me just say, I am exceedingly grateful that I worship a risen Lord, not an egg delivering rabbit, and certainly not a zombie. His mercies never end and never fail to amaze me. I have been so blessed in my life, and I am working on being more mindful of the grace that is shown to me daily.

In other news, or I should say; In Vanessa always talks about her relationship news...Josh is meeting my (extended) family today! Maybe that's why I'm still awake...I'm so excited =-) Joshua is with his church on a camping trip, that's how they celebrate Easter, and when he gets back we will be headed to my Grandma's for prime rib (or chicken, for me). I'm not nervous at all, because I know my family will adore him. I adore him. I've been missing him for the past couple days while he's been away, and I just can't wait to see him, smooch him, and show him off!

All I need in my Easter basket this year is a hug from Joshua, time with my family, and good food at Grandma's. Okay, and maybe a couple Reese's peanut butter eggs. Just sayin'.

-V

I'll be wearing blue, will you?

Today is World Autism Awareness Day...did you know?

• Autism now affects 1 in 110 children (1 in 70 in boys).
• More children will be diagnosed with Autism this year than with AIDS, diabetes & cancer combined.
• Autism is the fastest growing serious developmental disorder in the United States.
• Autism receives less than 5% of the research funding of many less prevalent childhood disorders.
• There is no medical detection or cure for Autism.

My experiences in working with children with Autism have been the most memorable and rewarding times of my life. It is crucial to bring awareness to this disease so that advances can be made in prevention, detection, and treatment of Autism. So, join me today in wearing blue to help support Autism Awareness, and visit the Autism Speaks website for more information.

-V

the dating vows.

I will not trade intimacy for an orgasm.

I will learn from my past, not relive it.

I believe attraction and relationships are an opportunity to be blessed, and be a blessing to someone else.

I want to be loved with respectful adoration, not lustful desire.

I want to love with admiration and respect, and to be submissive and have a servant's heart, not just to fulfill some fantasy-driven gender role, but because I want to be used by God to be an earthly example of His unyielding love.

I want to be your support system, but not your crutch. Above all, I want the Lord to be my rock and yours as well.

I want us to build each other up and always be held accountable not only to each other, but to our God.

I want pleasure to come from a place of innocence and true love, not sinfulness and greed.

I must be careful with my words and actions and keep my motivations pure.

I will pray for wisdom, faith and trust. Especially for trust.

I struggle with fear and trust. I immerse myself in doubt and worry. I need to learn to let go of my constant need to know.

I can't predict the outcome of our relationship, or your actions, but I can control my actions.

Pride must be banished from my vocabulary. I should remind myself daily of the rich blessings I have been given and vow to try in earnest to be a blessing to those around me.

-V

-------------------------------

Songs:

"Better Life" Keith Urban

Mom, don't freak out.

I'm not getting married. But seriously, somebody needs to. There are just way too many gorgeous wedding fashions floating around for me to obsess over. So, if you are getting married, please invite me. I need to get my wedding fix so my mother can stop worrying. She thinks I have marriage and babies on the brain.

So, like most things, I figured blogging about it would help get this silly obsession out of my system.

Here are some of my favorites:

birdcage veils

ribbons and lace, lace, lace!

feathers as bouquet

perfect for a winter wedding, no?

On another note, Happy April Fool's Day, everyone! Nobody has tricked me yet, although few have tried...we shall see. So, keep your wits about you, and have a great rest of the week! The weather is gorgeous here, and I wish the same for all of you!

-V

-----------------------------------

Songs:

"You're so cool" Hans Zimmer

"With or Without You" Vitamin String Quartet